You might have heard that parenthood changes people's preferences and interests. Adventure-seekers become homebodies. Clubgoers become homebodies. Social butterflies become...hrm, a pattern emerges.
Ok, so a lot of new parents spend a more time at home (though not always by choice). The young'uns need a lot of sleep, and the best sleep tends to happen at home, in a crib (or for E's first four months, a swing, but whatever).
More has changed for me than my tendency to stay at home a lot and only occasionally wear pants that need to be buttoned. Here are some other notable changes.
Cleaning and organizing
I don't know if this change has occurred because I spend more time at home, but I am much more interested in keeping a clean house than I used to be. I have even been known to vacuum on a weekly basis. To some, I am slacking, and to others, I am a housecleaning goddess. I think I still fall somewhere in the middle but am much closer to goddess status than I used to be.
On the other hand, some of my useless organizational habits have fallen by the wayside. It's true: the contents of my underwear drawer are no longer folded and organized as neatly as before. Shocking, I know. And that's not all, either. I find that I am able to ignore other projects of an organizational manner without feeling even the slightest hint of guilt. Hey, my life is busy. Reordering the carton of wrapping paper is going to have to wait.
Spending habits
Before E, an objective person might have observed the debits in my personal checking account and wondered whether I had enough clothing already. The answer, of course, would be no, and I question the objectivity of any person who thinks that "enough" is an acceptable adjective for clothing.
That said, my clothing purchases dropped off almost entirely after E's birth, and they have not regained their pre-E momentum. Unfortunately, I am not banking mad cheddar, as my spending has not been reduced. I just spend differently.
Specifically, I spend more on items that I can enjoy at home, such as books and music. I still like being fashionable, but dressing smashingly at home by myself is simply not as appealing as immersing myself in a good book. (Latest fav: Rules of Civility. Dreamy all around.)
(I know I should have a third category/example, but it's been a long week and I'm tired. Let's just say that my eyebrows have become a bit jungly, and I don't care.)
Friday, March 1, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Summer dreaming
Here at the Headquarters de Rooster, life is viral. In other words, we're all at various stages of unpleasant colds. Despite being the index patient of all illnesses, E has more energy than B and me combined. We parents sloth about from one couch to another, hoping that E remains within eyesight so we don't have to follow after him and prevent him from playing with knives or whatever other dangerous items he always manages to find when he wanders away from us.
Of course, keeping E within eyesight is no guarantee of overall safety, as E's belated Valentine's Day gift to me proved. The cute little guy threw a block that landed squarely on my lower lip, resulting in swelling, bruising, and crankiness, not exactly what an already unhappy patient wants. Rather than encourage his clearly MLB-level talents, we will continue to discourage throwing and hope that eventually, he will learn. (Or at least have less painful aim.)
When we're not playing dodgeball with wooden objects, we're gazing longingly at the calendar, looking forward to warmer days, fewer germs, and some time spent away from home. Yes, I'm happy to announce that 2013 will feature the return of travel.
Our adventures are tamer than they used to be, but adventures they will be nonetheless. Here's what's on tap for our family this year:
A spring trip to New York City
When you're still scheduling life around one nap per day, you tend to focus on places that allow you to be in the middle of the action. And let's face it, just about everywhere in NYC is in the middle of the action. We're staying at a hotel that's a bit south of Central Park, where we expect to spend much of our time.
When we aren't playing on the (amazing) playgrounds at Central Park, we'll be visiting the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, saying hello to the animals at the Central Park Zoo, jumping on the giant piano at FAO Shwarz, sampling macarons and violet ice cream at Laduree, and riding the carousel in Central Park. And staring in awe at all of the trucks and buses that drive by.
A summer trip to Martha's Vineyard
Summer will arrive, and with it will come our first beach vacation in a long time. Granted, we're going in June, so we don't expect to spend a lot of time on the beach, since summer weather doesn't tend to start in earnest until July on the island. However, since our little man tends to be a bit persnickety when he gets crumbs on his hands at mealtime, we're not expecting him to turn into a beach bum by summer. We'll be happy if he's happy to sit and dig in the sand for a bit.
Other activities we're looking forward to on the island: Eating fudge from Mad Martha's, playing on the playground, going to storytime at the Oak Bluffs public library, riding the Flying Horses carousel, seeing the cliffs at Aquinnah, watching the ferries arrive and depart, and stopping by the airport to see the planes take off and land.
A fall cruise to Bermuda
I admit to feeling some trepidation at the prospect of a cruise, given recent cruising events. Engine fires are scary. And having no electricity on a ship is also concerning. However, as of right now, our cruise is on, and we're excited about it.
I think the part of the cruise that excites me the most is not having to prepare or clean up a single meal for an entire week. I'm also looking forward to seeing Bermuda for the first time, introducing E to another country without having to get an airplane or undertake a lengthy road trip, and experiencing some warm weather after our weather has turned cool.
But really, the biggest appeal is not having to cook for and clean up after E for an entire week. And the free soft serve.
Of course, keeping E within eyesight is no guarantee of overall safety, as E's belated Valentine's Day gift to me proved. The cute little guy threw a block that landed squarely on my lower lip, resulting in swelling, bruising, and crankiness, not exactly what an already unhappy patient wants. Rather than encourage his clearly MLB-level talents, we will continue to discourage throwing and hope that eventually, he will learn. (Or at least have less painful aim.)
When we're not playing dodgeball with wooden objects, we're gazing longingly at the calendar, looking forward to warmer days, fewer germs, and some time spent away from home. Yes, I'm happy to announce that 2013 will feature the return of travel.
Our adventures are tamer than they used to be, but adventures they will be nonetheless. Here's what's on tap for our family this year:
A spring trip to New York City
When you're still scheduling life around one nap per day, you tend to focus on places that allow you to be in the middle of the action. And let's face it, just about everywhere in NYC is in the middle of the action. We're staying at a hotel that's a bit south of Central Park, where we expect to spend much of our time.
When we aren't playing on the (amazing) playgrounds at Central Park, we'll be visiting the dinosaurs at the Natural History Museum, saying hello to the animals at the Central Park Zoo, jumping on the giant piano at FAO Shwarz, sampling macarons and violet ice cream at Laduree, and riding the carousel in Central Park. And staring in awe at all of the trucks and buses that drive by.
A summer trip to Martha's Vineyard
Summer will arrive, and with it will come our first beach vacation in a long time. Granted, we're going in June, so we don't expect to spend a lot of time on the beach, since summer weather doesn't tend to start in earnest until July on the island. However, since our little man tends to be a bit persnickety when he gets crumbs on his hands at mealtime, we're not expecting him to turn into a beach bum by summer. We'll be happy if he's happy to sit and dig in the sand for a bit.
Other activities we're looking forward to on the island: Eating fudge from Mad Martha's, playing on the playground, going to storytime at the Oak Bluffs public library, riding the Flying Horses carousel, seeing the cliffs at Aquinnah, watching the ferries arrive and depart, and stopping by the airport to see the planes take off and land.
A fall cruise to Bermuda
I admit to feeling some trepidation at the prospect of a cruise, given recent cruising events. Engine fires are scary. And having no electricity on a ship is also concerning. However, as of right now, our cruise is on, and we're excited about it.
I think the part of the cruise that excites me the most is not having to prepare or clean up a single meal for an entire week. I'm also looking forward to seeing Bermuda for the first time, introducing E to another country without having to get an airplane or undertake a lengthy road trip, and experiencing some warm weather after our weather has turned cool.
But really, the biggest appeal is not having to cook for and clean up after E for an entire week. And the free soft serve.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Time and balance
It's been a while. I've still been here. I just haven't had much free time for blogging.
I've noticed that time moves further and further to the top of my problems list when I feel like I don't have enough time. Of course, everyone has enough time. We just haven't all figured out how to do everything we want in the time we have each day, week, or month.
At the end of 2012, I identified two areas in which I wanted to spend more time. First of all - and this should come as no surprise to any mom - I wanted to have more time in which to do whatever I wanted. I wanted more time to read, to blog, to see friends, to do nothing. My current schedule doesn't allow for much of that.
My second time priority was to spend more time working. This wish might come as a surprise to those who don't enjoy their work, but I genuinely do enjoy it and my reduced working schedule has left me wanting more.
Of course, increasing my time in those areas means a decrease in time spent one-on-one with E. A few weeks ago, I increased his attendance at school from four days to five.
I've been tempted to increase Eli's school attendance for a long time, but only recently has Eli established the same sleeping schedule at home and at school. He's been having only one nap per day for two months now (woohoo, finally!), and he naps as long and as well at school and at home.
We no longer have a full (longgggg) day together during the week, but between mornings and evenings, the two of us still spend 3 hours each weekday in quality one-on-one time. I still feel like I know him as well, and I am more patient with him when we are together. (And he is no longer cranky to be stuck at home alone with Mom all day every Friday during the long, cold winter.)
The balance I'm looking for still eludes me, but part of me suspects that statement will be true for a good many years down the road. I do feel like I'm getting closer to balance, though.
I've noticed that time moves further and further to the top of my problems list when I feel like I don't have enough time. Of course, everyone has enough time. We just haven't all figured out how to do everything we want in the time we have each day, week, or month.
At the end of 2012, I identified two areas in which I wanted to spend more time. First of all - and this should come as no surprise to any mom - I wanted to have more time in which to do whatever I wanted. I wanted more time to read, to blog, to see friends, to do nothing. My current schedule doesn't allow for much of that.
My second time priority was to spend more time working. This wish might come as a surprise to those who don't enjoy their work, but I genuinely do enjoy it and my reduced working schedule has left me wanting more.
Of course, increasing my time in those areas means a decrease in time spent one-on-one with E. A few weeks ago, I increased his attendance at school from four days to five.
I've been tempted to increase Eli's school attendance for a long time, but only recently has Eli established the same sleeping schedule at home and at school. He's been having only one nap per day for two months now (woohoo, finally!), and he naps as long and as well at school and at home.
We no longer have a full (longgggg) day together during the week, but between mornings and evenings, the two of us still spend 3 hours each weekday in quality one-on-one time. I still feel like I know him as well, and I am more patient with him when we are together. (And he is no longer cranky to be stuck at home alone with Mom all day every Friday during the long, cold winter.)
The balance I'm looking for still eludes me, but part of me suspects that statement will be true for a good many years down the road. I do feel like I'm getting closer to balance, though.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Easier than a deserted island, and other praise of motherhood
I've been told that E is one of those easy babies who lulls his parents into thinking that another baby will be a piece of cake.
Seriously? This is easy?
I get it. He's easier than some other babies. He sleeps remarkably well with very few wakeups these days. Meanwhile, I still hear mothers in E's room talking about how their kids are sometimes up 3 times per night. Clearly I am spoiled. E woke up 3 times for exactly 1 night, way early on, and B and I both thought we had traveled to hell and back by the time morning rolled around.
I know. If you have one of those difficult babies, you want to shoot me for having such an easy baby. But it hasn't felt easy to me!
E has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and the challenge is never-ending. He's around every day! My way of thinking has been forever changed. E's well-being is now my top priority, no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
Sure, I get breaks. Believe it or not, I think of work as a break. On some weekends, I look longingly toward Tuesday, the start of my workweek. The end of a Friday no longer represents the freedom it used to.
So, yes, I suppose in comparison to some babies or say, 14.5 months of being stranded on a deserted island with no toothbrush, E is easier. And under his reign, we've achieved a sort of normalcy.
It's a new normal, of course. In this new normal, I go to bed at 9:00 or 9:30 every night and wake up around 6 or 6:30 every day. I'm home nearly every night from 4 PM onward. I rarely eat in restaurants. My avec-Eli outings are never more than an hour in duration. I dread any occasion that requires Eli to miss a nap. And I spend a lot of time at home. A lot.
This new normal is predictable, and believe it or not, after the chaos of spitup, snot, vomit, and wakeups that were hallmarks of E's first year, predictability is welcome. We've figured out a nice little routine, and in it, E is thriving, I've found more of the balance I've been craving, and B is able to participate more in our weekday activities.
E is now between 14 and 15 months old, and I understand why so many children are spaced 2 years apart. I think most people make it this far and while they feel like they've been through some sort of foggy, sleep-deprived, vomit-covered war, they decide that now that peace has descended, they can do it again.
I am not most people. E has not lulled me into thinking that another baby would be a breeze or even for that matter doable. If I have to go through those feelings of imprisonment again, I think I will become unhinged. (And I'm only partially joking.)
The ladies at E's school keep telling me that they're waiting for E's younger sibling to come to school. I keep telling them that they should probably not get their hopes up...
Seriously? This is easy?
I get it. He's easier than some other babies. He sleeps remarkably well with very few wakeups these days. Meanwhile, I still hear mothers in E's room talking about how their kids are sometimes up 3 times per night. Clearly I am spoiled. E woke up 3 times for exactly 1 night, way early on, and B and I both thought we had traveled to hell and back by the time morning rolled around.
I know. If you have one of those difficult babies, you want to shoot me for having such an easy baby. But it hasn't felt easy to me!
E has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and the challenge is never-ending. He's around every day! My way of thinking has been forever changed. E's well-being is now my top priority, no matter where I am or what I'm doing.
Sure, I get breaks. Believe it or not, I think of work as a break. On some weekends, I look longingly toward Tuesday, the start of my workweek. The end of a Friday no longer represents the freedom it used to.
So, yes, I suppose in comparison to some babies or say, 14.5 months of being stranded on a deserted island with no toothbrush, E is easier. And under his reign, we've achieved a sort of normalcy.
It's a new normal, of course. In this new normal, I go to bed at 9:00 or 9:30 every night and wake up around 6 or 6:30 every day. I'm home nearly every night from 4 PM onward. I rarely eat in restaurants. My avec-Eli outings are never more than an hour in duration. I dread any occasion that requires Eli to miss a nap. And I spend a lot of time at home. A lot.
This new normal is predictable, and believe it or not, after the chaos of spitup, snot, vomit, and wakeups that were hallmarks of E's first year, predictability is welcome. We've figured out a nice little routine, and in it, E is thriving, I've found more of the balance I've been craving, and B is able to participate more in our weekday activities.
E is now between 14 and 15 months old, and I understand why so many children are spaced 2 years apart. I think most people make it this far and while they feel like they've been through some sort of foggy, sleep-deprived, vomit-covered war, they decide that now that peace has descended, they can do it again.
I am not most people. E has not lulled me into thinking that another baby would be a breeze or even for that matter doable. If I have to go through those feelings of imprisonment again, I think I will become unhinged. (And I'm only partially joking.)
The ladies at E's school keep telling me that they're waiting for E's younger sibling to come to school. I keep telling them that they should probably not get their hopes up...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Shoe snobbery
I don't want to start every blog post with an apology for my sparse blogging, so let's assume it's implied from here on out. (Or really, has been implied since E was born.)
E goes to bed later these days, usually around 6 PM, so my free time each evening is significantly reduced (hence the lack o' blog). I try to embrace changes that indicate that he's growing up, but part of me does occasionally miss the free time I had when bedtime was 4:30.
This post wasn't meant to be about E, so I'll keep the updates short. He walks, he runs, and he even talks. Yes, the little man officially speaks the following words:
(Feats that would otherwise be undeserving of this title are amazing when you consider how unaccomplished babies are when they are born. Delicately put, babies are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and any semblance of intelligence is enough to make you predict Great Things for your offspring. Though probably it's still a bit early to schedule the campus tour of Yale.)
Anyway. Moving on to some non-baby chatter. I wanted to share my newest interest: Shoes.
I've never been and probably never will be one of those women who is obsessed with shoes. (Because then I'd have to give up my jacket obsession, and that's not happening.) Nevertheless, as my wardrobe continues to evolve, I recognize that shoes are necessary accessories to complete my outfits. I cannot wear my slip-on Merrells every day, no matter how comfortable they are. (And they are pretty amazing, considering I've had them for nearly 5 years now.)
I guess that last anecdote illustrates how desperately my shoe collection needs a revamp.
In the past, my shoe buying followed an unfortunate trend. A night or two before an event, I'd realize I had nothing to wear on my feet for the occasion and then dash off to Marshall's, returning home with a pair of shoes that were right in color but wrong, wrong, wrong in comfort. I wasted way too much money and Band-aids.
Now that my feet have graduated to the less readily available size 11 and I have decided to buy only shoes that my feet love, my shoe hunting efforts require more planning. And Nordstrom offers an excellent online shoe collection for those who are willing to delay gratification and shop online.
I will not pretend that Nordstrom is as cheap as Marshalls because it is not. However (spoiler alert: I can justify anything), I'd rather buy one pair of shoes that I love and will wear all the time than four pairs of shoes that will gather dust because they are so uncomfortable and eventually end up at the Salvation Army, where they have the potential to injure so many more feet than my own.
My goal in developing my shoe collection is to eliminate the night-before-an-event-shopping-emergency. If I have a diverse enough shoe collection, I will always have an appropriate pair to wear with an outfit. I am slowly building up this shoe collection.
So far, I have bought two pairs of shoes and one pair of sandals from Nordstrom, and I love them all. With the last two pairs, I stepped up my game and purchased footwear that was made in Europe, not China. I'm not anti-China, but I wanted to determine whether shoes made in Spain or Italy are significantly better than those made elsewhere.
Based on my limited, two-shoe sampling, I have to say that yes, shoes made in Europe feel nicer in my hands and on my feet. I still got blisters from one pair (the other pair I haven't worn enough to know), so they're not perfect, but perhaps I should have taken them for a more conservative stroll for their first showing.
In general, you can expect to pay a premium for shoes that are made in Europe, but on the other hand, they are made with superior materials, and with proper care, they should last longer than other shoes.
Now I need to learn how to take care of my shoes. And perhaps find a cobbler.
E goes to bed later these days, usually around 6 PM, so my free time each evening is significantly reduced (hence the lack o' blog). I try to embrace changes that indicate that he's growing up, but part of me does occasionally miss the free time I had when bedtime was 4:30.
This post wasn't meant to be about E, so I'll keep the updates short. He walks, he runs, and he even talks. Yes, the little man officially speaks the following words:
- This. ("Dis!")
- That. ("Dat!")
- Duck. ("Duck.")
- Hi. ("Hi-ee!")
(Feats that would otherwise be undeserving of this title are amazing when you consider how unaccomplished babies are when they are born. Delicately put, babies are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and any semblance of intelligence is enough to make you predict Great Things for your offspring. Though probably it's still a bit early to schedule the campus tour of Yale.)
Anyway. Moving on to some non-baby chatter. I wanted to share my newest interest: Shoes.
I've never been and probably never will be one of those women who is obsessed with shoes. (Because then I'd have to give up my jacket obsession, and that's not happening.) Nevertheless, as my wardrobe continues to evolve, I recognize that shoes are necessary accessories to complete my outfits. I cannot wear my slip-on Merrells every day, no matter how comfortable they are. (And they are pretty amazing, considering I've had them for nearly 5 years now.)
I guess that last anecdote illustrates how desperately my shoe collection needs a revamp.
In the past, my shoe buying followed an unfortunate trend. A night or two before an event, I'd realize I had nothing to wear on my feet for the occasion and then dash off to Marshall's, returning home with a pair of shoes that were right in color but wrong, wrong, wrong in comfort. I wasted way too much money and Band-aids.
Now that my feet have graduated to the less readily available size 11 and I have decided to buy only shoes that my feet love, my shoe hunting efforts require more planning. And Nordstrom offers an excellent online shoe collection for those who are willing to delay gratification and shop online.
I will not pretend that Nordstrom is as cheap as Marshalls because it is not. However (spoiler alert: I can justify anything), I'd rather buy one pair of shoes that I love and will wear all the time than four pairs of shoes that will gather dust because they are so uncomfortable and eventually end up at the Salvation Army, where they have the potential to injure so many more feet than my own.
My goal in developing my shoe collection is to eliminate the night-before-an-event-shopping-emergency. If I have a diverse enough shoe collection, I will always have an appropriate pair to wear with an outfit. I am slowly building up this shoe collection.
So far, I have bought two pairs of shoes and one pair of sandals from Nordstrom, and I love them all. With the last two pairs, I stepped up my game and purchased footwear that was made in Europe, not China. I'm not anti-China, but I wanted to determine whether shoes made in Spain or Italy are significantly better than those made elsewhere.
Based on my limited, two-shoe sampling, I have to say that yes, shoes made in Europe feel nicer in my hands and on my feet. I still got blisters from one pair (the other pair I haven't worn enough to know), so they're not perfect, but perhaps I should have taken them for a more conservative stroll for their first showing.
In general, you can expect to pay a premium for shoes that are made in Europe, but on the other hand, they are made with superior materials, and with proper care, they should last longer than other shoes.
Now I need to learn how to take care of my shoes. And perhaps find a cobbler.
Monday, April 9, 2012
No vigilante justice
Yesterday morning, I received an email from my bank, alerting me to unusual activity on my card. I have received similar messages in error in the past, so I wasn't concerned. Nevertheless, I logged on to my account immediately to see which of my recent transactions had raised an alert.
Perhaps it was the $340 I spent at Cosmetic Mall? Maybe the $322 I spent at Donna Karan? The $293 I spent at Astonishing Skin?
Oh, wait. I didn't make purchases from any of these companies. But someone who used my card number did!
I called my bank, and they were great. (Shocking, I know). They canceled my card to prevent other transactions from going through, and they told me that I'm NOT responsible for any of the charges, even though the card is a debit card. They also gave me a phone number to call in case the charges are finalized and I need help getting refunds.
Today I received phone calls from 3 of the merchants. One rightfully suspected foul play ("Most people don't send 10 perfumes to an address other than their billing address"), and another notified me that my card had been declined. Donna Karan did not call, but I called them and let them know that the order was not legit and that they should cancel it.
And all the merchants were great, too. I suspect that most companies would prefer to find out that they won't get paid before they ship an order. And interestingly, several merchants offered me the name and address of the person who was to receive the packages in case I wanted to take action.
I declined. Vigilante justice isn't my style. And despite how well my bank has performed in this situation, I suspect that they wouldn't take any action against the perpetrator of the fraud.
But whoever did it was clever. She (assumption, based on the stores) placed the orders around 2 or 3 AM on Sunday morning. And not just any Sunday, Easter Sunday, a day when people might be less likely to be checking email and certainly less likely to be checking their bank accounts.
Luckily for me, I checked my mail early in the morning and was able to cancel my card before many transactions went through. That said, the funds for all the transactions are on hold until the cancellations get processed. Bummer.
I have to wait 7-10 business days for a new card and then remember all the merchants who had the number for my old card. But otherwise, this whole experience has been only a minor hassle.
You might be wondering how my card got compromised. I have no idea. Speculation feels wrong and finger-pointy, so I will do my best not to mind-convict anyone with whom I have conducted business recently.
Perhaps it was the $340 I spent at Cosmetic Mall? Maybe the $322 I spent at Donna Karan? The $293 I spent at Astonishing Skin?
Oh, wait. I didn't make purchases from any of these companies. But someone who used my card number did!
I called my bank, and they were great. (Shocking, I know). They canceled my card to prevent other transactions from going through, and they told me that I'm NOT responsible for any of the charges, even though the card is a debit card. They also gave me a phone number to call in case the charges are finalized and I need help getting refunds.
Today I received phone calls from 3 of the merchants. One rightfully suspected foul play ("Most people don't send 10 perfumes to an address other than their billing address"), and another notified me that my card had been declined. Donna Karan did not call, but I called them and let them know that the order was not legit and that they should cancel it.
And all the merchants were great, too. I suspect that most companies would prefer to find out that they won't get paid before they ship an order. And interestingly, several merchants offered me the name and address of the person who was to receive the packages in case I wanted to take action.
I declined. Vigilante justice isn't my style. And despite how well my bank has performed in this situation, I suspect that they wouldn't take any action against the perpetrator of the fraud.
But whoever did it was clever. She (assumption, based on the stores) placed the orders around 2 or 3 AM on Sunday morning. And not just any Sunday, Easter Sunday, a day when people might be less likely to be checking email and certainly less likely to be checking their bank accounts.
Luckily for me, I checked my mail early in the morning and was able to cancel my card before many transactions went through. That said, the funds for all the transactions are on hold until the cancellations get processed. Bummer.
I have to wait 7-10 business days for a new card and then remember all the merchants who had the number for my old card. But otherwise, this whole experience has been only a minor hassle.
You might be wondering how my card got compromised. I have no idea. Speculation feels wrong and finger-pointy, so I will do my best not to mind-convict anyone with whom I have conducted business recently.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Pumped breast milk vs. formula
The metaphorical breastpump bonfire occurred over three weeks ago. It was glorious.
A physical bonfire did not occur. I think it's against condo rules. Plus, despite the recent damage I did at the local mall (Nordstrom, I'm looking at you), I am too frugal to destroy a working appliance, even one I loathe.
But I am finished, and I am loving life without pumping. My happiness is up; my stress is down. I no longer feel constrained by the choices that I have made, and I am much more able to feel grateful for what I have. My whole outlook on life is rosier.
E drinks formula full time, and now that I have experience with both pumped breast milk and formula, I thought I'd offer a comparison of the two.
Time cost
When contrasting pumped breast milk and formula, we must consider two costs: time and money.
The time cost of pumped breast milk is high. If you pump exclusively, you spend 2-3 hours of every day pumping. You probably have 3-6 pumping sessions per day. At the beginning (and sometimes throughout your pumping experience), at least one of those sessions has to be in the middle of the night.
The time cost of formula is minimal. You need less than 5 minutes to make a bottle. If you have 2 hands free, you can shake 2 bottles at once.
Financial cost
The financial cost of pumped breast milk is low, at least after you acquire your pump and pumping gear. However, ongoing costs include nursing pads and bags for storing breast milk. The overall investment can be significant.
However, over time, the cost of formula is much higher. We go through a canister every 5-7 days, plus E's school goes through a cannister every 2-3 weeks. Each canister is around $20. My estimates indicate that our formula costs for 2 months of part-time use and 2 months of full-time use will be around $500. Not cheap.
Another factor to consider - the waste factor. A baby has one hour to finish a formula bottle, and then you have to dump it out. The waste can be significant. We were a bit more loosey-goosey about returning breast milk bottles to the fridge, at least after E got older (around 2 months or so).
Ease of use
Formula wins, hands down, in the ease-of-use category. Formula is sooooo easy. I cannot emphasize the easiness enough, at least in comparison to pumping.
Very little is easy about breast milk except that you always have some in the fridge, so you never have to spend time making a bottle. (That said, you can pre-make formula bottles and keep them up to 24 hours, so a little planning means that you aren't holding a screamer while shake-shake-shaking it up.)
Washing up
I have six sets of pump parts. My routine was to run the dishwasher after 3 pumping sessions. At one point, I was running the dishwasher 3 times per day.
Without the pumping parts, the top rack of the dishwasher is less crowded, and we've even had a few days on which we did not have to run the dishwasher. (Gasp.)
That said, the bottle and now sippy cup parts take up a fair amount of space, so we still have 2 baskets on the top rack. (Though this arrangement is still much better than 3 baskets.)
The time I spend emptying the dishwasher is reduced, and the counter space devoted to drying parts is also smaller now that we're using formula.
Health benefits
Formula is adequate nutrition. Most babies thrive, no matter what they drink.
However, breast milk offers extra benefits, including an immunity boost (allegedly - E's constantly running nose begs to differ).
The benefits to me were also worthy of note. I lost all my pregancy weight and regained my pre-pregnancy shape without making any effort. I even dropped below my pre-pregnancy weight, despite all that I ate. (And I ate a lot. Ice cream and pastrami, I miss you.)
I'm not saying this to brag. (Ok, maybe I am, a little.) Instead, I am trying to present at least some benefits to pumping because let's face it, there aren't many for the mom.
Overall preference
Nobody strives for adequacy, and that's why I pumped for 10 months. I wanted to give E the best start I could. Ideally, I should have kept it up for 12 months (or longer, gah) and not given him any formula. But I am satisfied with my efforts, and I am so glad to be finished.
If you're contemplating pumping, good luck to you. As for me, I plan to never do it again.
A physical bonfire did not occur. I think it's against condo rules. Plus, despite the recent damage I did at the local mall (Nordstrom, I'm looking at you), I am too frugal to destroy a working appliance, even one I loathe.
But I am finished, and I am loving life without pumping. My happiness is up; my stress is down. I no longer feel constrained by the choices that I have made, and I am much more able to feel grateful for what I have. My whole outlook on life is rosier.
E drinks formula full time, and now that I have experience with both pumped breast milk and formula, I thought I'd offer a comparison of the two.
Time cost
When contrasting pumped breast milk and formula, we must consider two costs: time and money.
The time cost of pumped breast milk is high. If you pump exclusively, you spend 2-3 hours of every day pumping. You probably have 3-6 pumping sessions per day. At the beginning (and sometimes throughout your pumping experience), at least one of those sessions has to be in the middle of the night.
The time cost of formula is minimal. You need less than 5 minutes to make a bottle. If you have 2 hands free, you can shake 2 bottles at once.
Financial cost
The financial cost of pumped breast milk is low, at least after you acquire your pump and pumping gear. However, ongoing costs include nursing pads and bags for storing breast milk. The overall investment can be significant.
However, over time, the cost of formula is much higher. We go through a canister every 5-7 days, plus E's school goes through a cannister every 2-3 weeks. Each canister is around $20. My estimates indicate that our formula costs for 2 months of part-time use and 2 months of full-time use will be around $500. Not cheap.
Another factor to consider - the waste factor. A baby has one hour to finish a formula bottle, and then you have to dump it out. The waste can be significant. We were a bit more loosey-goosey about returning breast milk bottles to the fridge, at least after E got older (around 2 months or so).
Ease of use
Formula wins, hands down, in the ease-of-use category. Formula is sooooo easy. I cannot emphasize the easiness enough, at least in comparison to pumping.
Very little is easy about breast milk except that you always have some in the fridge, so you never have to spend time making a bottle. (That said, you can pre-make formula bottles and keep them up to 24 hours, so a little planning means that you aren't holding a screamer while shake-shake-shaking it up.)
Washing up
I have six sets of pump parts. My routine was to run the dishwasher after 3 pumping sessions. At one point, I was running the dishwasher 3 times per day.
Without the pumping parts, the top rack of the dishwasher is less crowded, and we've even had a few days on which we did not have to run the dishwasher. (Gasp.)
That said, the bottle and now sippy cup parts take up a fair amount of space, so we still have 2 baskets on the top rack. (Though this arrangement is still much better than 3 baskets.)
The time I spend emptying the dishwasher is reduced, and the counter space devoted to drying parts is also smaller now that we're using formula.
Health benefits
Formula is adequate nutrition. Most babies thrive, no matter what they drink.
However, breast milk offers extra benefits, including an immunity boost (allegedly - E's constantly running nose begs to differ).
The benefits to me were also worthy of note. I lost all my pregancy weight and regained my pre-pregnancy shape without making any effort. I even dropped below my pre-pregnancy weight, despite all that I ate. (And I ate a lot. Ice cream and pastrami, I miss you.)
I'm not saying this to brag. (Ok, maybe I am, a little.) Instead, I am trying to present at least some benefits to pumping because let's face it, there aren't many for the mom.
Overall preference
Nobody strives for adequacy, and that's why I pumped for 10 months. I wanted to give E the best start I could. Ideally, I should have kept it up for 12 months (or longer, gah) and not given him any formula. But I am satisfied with my efforts, and I am so glad to be finished.
If you're contemplating pumping, good luck to you. As for me, I plan to never do it again.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
On scheduling and sleep, or: What do I do with my baby all day?
A few weeks ago, I wrote a long and rambling post about infant sleep but decided not to post it. It was too disorganized, and I couldn't figure out what my point was.
So, here's my second attempt, and I will clarify my point up front: I'd like to share what I know about infant sleep so that if you have a new little one or if you have one on the way (or for whatever reason, you are interested in infant sleeping patterns), you won't make the same mistakes that we made.
I'll start off by offering the following guideline: Think of each day as a math equation that consists of sleeping parts and awake parts. Your goal in the first four months of your baby's life is to create a day that consists of the following parts:
The trickiest part of this math equation is determining how long the awake periods should be. For most babies, the first awake period of the day is very short, particularly for newborns. Most babies can handle being awake for only an hour before needing to go back to sleep for what might be a lengthy nap.
E, who is one of the sleepiest babies I have ever heard of and who continues to sleep 15 or 16 hours every day, could handle being awake for only an hour until he was 5 or 6 months old, maybe older. (It's a bit hazy.)
The second awake period is usually longer, though again, with very sleepy babies, you might be looking at an awake period of only an hour in the first few months. Until just a month or two ago, E couldn't go much longer than an hour and 45 minutes without turning into a gremlin.
The length of the third nap varies, but it's frequently the shortest and is the first to be dropped, at some point by 9 months. After the third nap is typically a baby's longest awake period of the day, so it's a good time to try out solid foods (if you're there) or run an errand.
During the awake periods, you feed your baby, change his diaper (typically at wakeup and before going down), and play with him. You might feed your baby upon wake-up or right before putting him to sleep. Newborns typically fall asleep while feeding, so there isn't much opportunity for play, but with an older baby, the awake period is a good time for kicking on a play mat, practicing tummy time, playing peekaboo, or watching Mom or Dad do household chores.
Your job as a parent is to learn your child's sleepy cues so you can figure out the ideal awake periods for your baby. Signs of sleepiness include a dazed look on the face, yawning, and rubbing eyes. If you see either of the last two signs, put that baby to sleep immediately because he's in danger of getting overtired, and if he gets overtired, he will be very difficult to put to sleep. If he gets overtired and is very difficult to soothe and settle, note how long he was awake, and put him to sleep after a shorter wake-up period the next day.
Every baby is different, but I'll give a sample schedule of how a day might go for a four-month old:
E's bedtime is even earlier than 6 PM most nights. He has gone to bed as early as 4:15 and slept through the night. On daycare days, he usually goes to bed around 5 PM.
Here is a typical (non-daycare day) for E these days:
You'll note that E is down to only 2 naps. By 9 months, babies' naps get longer in duration and they drop their third nap. Almost overnight around 8 months, E went from 45 minute naps to hour-and-a-half naps (an amazing transformation). Now I sometimes have to wake him from his first nap in order to keep his naps on schedule. (A note about waking a sleeping baby - don't do it, unless his sleeping will prevent him from taking his next nap on schedule. That doesn't happen until you're down to 2 naps per day and have a regular sleeping schedule.)
You might be thinking that this schedule is rigid and doesn't leave a lot of flexibility for leaving the house. You are correct. I believe I have blogged about my house arrest status. However, life is full of choices, and we have made the choice to put Eli's sleep first. He's been sleeping through the night since 7 1/2 weeks, so I believe that we are making the right choice.
And if you're wondering when babies drop their morning naps: That usually happens between 12 and 21 months.
If you want to learn more, check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. Its organization is shockingly bad, but the content is great. (That said, prepare yourself for needing to read it multiple times to figure out the most important parts.)
So, here's my second attempt, and I will clarify my point up front: I'd like to share what I know about infant sleep so that if you have a new little one or if you have one on the way (or for whatever reason, you are interested in infant sleeping patterns), you won't make the same mistakes that we made.
I'll start off by offering the following guideline: Think of each day as a math equation that consists of sleeping parts and awake parts. Your goal in the first four months of your baby's life is to create a day that consists of the following parts:
- Awake for the day.
- Nap 1.
- Awake.
- Nap 2.
- Awake.
- Nap 3.
- Awake.
- Asleep for the night.
The trickiest part of this math equation is determining how long the awake periods should be. For most babies, the first awake period of the day is very short, particularly for newborns. Most babies can handle being awake for only an hour before needing to go back to sleep for what might be a lengthy nap.
E, who is one of the sleepiest babies I have ever heard of and who continues to sleep 15 or 16 hours every day, could handle being awake for only an hour until he was 5 or 6 months old, maybe older. (It's a bit hazy.)
The second awake period is usually longer, though again, with very sleepy babies, you might be looking at an awake period of only an hour in the first few months. Until just a month or two ago, E couldn't go much longer than an hour and 45 minutes without turning into a gremlin.
The length of the third nap varies, but it's frequently the shortest and is the first to be dropped, at some point by 9 months. After the third nap is typically a baby's longest awake period of the day, so it's a good time to try out solid foods (if you're there) or run an errand.
During the awake periods, you feed your baby, change his diaper (typically at wakeup and before going down), and play with him. You might feed your baby upon wake-up or right before putting him to sleep. Newborns typically fall asleep while feeding, so there isn't much opportunity for play, but with an older baby, the awake period is a good time for kicking on a play mat, practicing tummy time, playing peekaboo, or watching Mom or Dad do household chores.
Your job as a parent is to learn your child's sleepy cues so you can figure out the ideal awake periods for your baby. Signs of sleepiness include a dazed look on the face, yawning, and rubbing eyes. If you see either of the last two signs, put that baby to sleep immediately because he's in danger of getting overtired, and if he gets overtired, he will be very difficult to put to sleep. If he gets overtired and is very difficult to soothe and settle, note how long he was awake, and put him to sleep after a shorter wake-up period the next day.
Every baby is different, but I'll give a sample schedule of how a day might go for a four-month old:
- Wake-up: 7:00 AM
- Nap 1: 8:00 - 10:00
- Nap 2: 11:30 - 12:30 PM
- Nap 3: 2:30 - 3:30
- Bed: 6:00
- Nighttime wake-ups: Ideally, no more than 2 for feedings, usually around midnight and 3 or 4 AM.
E's bedtime is even earlier than 6 PM most nights. He has gone to bed as early as 4:15 and slept through the night. On daycare days, he usually goes to bed around 5 PM.
Here is a typical (non-daycare day) for E these days:
- Wakeup: 6:45 AM
- Nap 1: 9 - 10:30 AM
- Nap 2: 1:00 - 2:30
- Bed: 5:30 PM
You'll note that E is down to only 2 naps. By 9 months, babies' naps get longer in duration and they drop their third nap. Almost overnight around 8 months, E went from 45 minute naps to hour-and-a-half naps (an amazing transformation). Now I sometimes have to wake him from his first nap in order to keep his naps on schedule. (A note about waking a sleeping baby - don't do it, unless his sleeping will prevent him from taking his next nap on schedule. That doesn't happen until you're down to 2 naps per day and have a regular sleeping schedule.)
You might be thinking that this schedule is rigid and doesn't leave a lot of flexibility for leaving the house. You are correct. I believe I have blogged about my house arrest status. However, life is full of choices, and we have made the choice to put Eli's sleep first. He's been sleeping through the night since 7 1/2 weeks, so I believe that we are making the right choice.
And if you're wondering when babies drop their morning naps: That usually happens between 12 and 21 months.
If you want to learn more, check out Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. Its organization is shockingly bad, but the content is great. (That said, prepare yourself for needing to read it multiple times to figure out the most important parts.)
Monday, February 13, 2012
So sick
I have been known to make fate-tempting declarations, including "I've never had a cavity!" and "I'm one of the healthiest people I know!" The former is still true (so far). The latter, sadly, is no longer true.
I've been sicker this winter than I've ever been in my life. I'll take it even further: I think I've been sicker this winter than the average person. Sicker than average! Nobody wants to be average (right?), but even less desirable is worse than average.
But so it is, and E, our huggable, lovable little mucus factory, is almost entirely to blame. That little boy's nose hasn't stopped running since mid-November, with the exception of a 3-day stretch in which he battled the norovirus and nearly had to go to the ER for dehydration.
The norovirus was the tipping point for me, when my winter went from unpleasant (two cases of mastitis, a cold, and a couple of sequences of bad sleep for E) to downright horrible. E caught the bug first, naturally. B and I spent the weekend holding him and spoon feeding him Pedialyte, praying for wet diapers and no more vomit.
B caught the bug next and had a milder case. A few days passed, and I thought I had escaped without succumbing, but in the end, the stomach bug bell tolled for me, too, just days after I caught another cold.
The stomach bug went away. I started feeling better. And then a week and a half ago, I got a sinus infection. I suffered through a weekend of headaches, sinus aches, and toothaches, and then I went to the doctor on a Monday. She recommended waiting to take antibiotics in case the infection cleared on its own and prescribed Afrin and Motrin in the meanwhile.
This occasion was the third in my life in which I waited to take antiobiotics. The first time, when a doctor diagnosed bronchitis, I made the right decision, and the illness went away on its own. The second time, when I had mastitis, waiting was the wrong decision and just made the illness worse. And in this case, I suspect that waiting was again the wrong decision, though there's no way of knowing whether time or the drugs helped with my symptoms.
When the Motrin was no longer doing anything for my pain, I filled the amox prescription and then had to wait another 2 days before I felt any improvement. Now on day 5 of the antiobiotics, I can almost start chewing on the left side of my mouth again.
My inability to chew on the left side of my mouth for over a week combined with a stomach virus and the generally poor appetite that accompanies illnesses has left me at my pre-college weight. Is this Mother Nature's way of helping me drop any remaining baby pounds because if so, she has achieved her goal and then some.
So, here is my warning to all soon-to-be and future parents: If your child goes to daycare, your first winter is going to be hell. There will never be a day when all of you are healthy. And you'll never know whether this coughing illness or that vomiting illness will leave your child unable to sleep through the night for days at a go.
According to our pediatrician, the first winter is the worst. Please let it be so.
I've been sicker this winter than I've ever been in my life. I'll take it even further: I think I've been sicker this winter than the average person. Sicker than average! Nobody wants to be average (right?), but even less desirable is worse than average.
But so it is, and E, our huggable, lovable little mucus factory, is almost entirely to blame. That little boy's nose hasn't stopped running since mid-November, with the exception of a 3-day stretch in which he battled the norovirus and nearly had to go to the ER for dehydration.
The norovirus was the tipping point for me, when my winter went from unpleasant (two cases of mastitis, a cold, and a couple of sequences of bad sleep for E) to downright horrible. E caught the bug first, naturally. B and I spent the weekend holding him and spoon feeding him Pedialyte, praying for wet diapers and no more vomit.
B caught the bug next and had a milder case. A few days passed, and I thought I had escaped without succumbing, but in the end, the stomach bug bell tolled for me, too, just days after I caught another cold.
The stomach bug went away. I started feeling better. And then a week and a half ago, I got a sinus infection. I suffered through a weekend of headaches, sinus aches, and toothaches, and then I went to the doctor on a Monday. She recommended waiting to take antibiotics in case the infection cleared on its own and prescribed Afrin and Motrin in the meanwhile.
This occasion was the third in my life in which I waited to take antiobiotics. The first time, when a doctor diagnosed bronchitis, I made the right decision, and the illness went away on its own. The second time, when I had mastitis, waiting was the wrong decision and just made the illness worse. And in this case, I suspect that waiting was again the wrong decision, though there's no way of knowing whether time or the drugs helped with my symptoms.
When the Motrin was no longer doing anything for my pain, I filled the amox prescription and then had to wait another 2 days before I felt any improvement. Now on day 5 of the antiobiotics, I can almost start chewing on the left side of my mouth again.
My inability to chew on the left side of my mouth for over a week combined with a stomach virus and the generally poor appetite that accompanies illnesses has left me at my pre-college weight. Is this Mother Nature's way of helping me drop any remaining baby pounds because if so, she has achieved her goal and then some.
So, here is my warning to all soon-to-be and future parents: If your child goes to daycare, your first winter is going to be hell. There will never be a day when all of you are healthy. And you'll never know whether this coughing illness or that vomiting illness will leave your child unable to sleep through the night for days at a go.
According to our pediatrician, the first winter is the worst. Please let it be so.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Life changes
In 2000-2001, my life changed dramatically. I took a year off school and got an internship in another state. In the process of leaving my life behind, I discovered a new life with a happier, better me.
In 2010-2011, my life changed dramatically. I got pregnant. I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. I've redefined my normal once again, and while this new life is less indulgent and more structured, I've had the honor and privilege of creating a new life, and I am lucky enough that I can watch him grow up.
Between you and me, I'm a little scared about what 2020-2021 has in store for me. Luckily, I have a long time before I find out.
Everyone tells me about how fast time passes when you have a child. I understand it. The past eight months have gone by quickly. (Though I have to say that the first 8 weeks of those 8 months were among the longest of my life.) I think time is passing so quickly because we haven't had many fun adventures to break up the monotony of bottles, diapers, and naps.
I'm looking forward to going on adventures with E. I ask B all the time where we should take E for his first vacation. That we are even contemplating a vacation with him is a huge step. I don't see myself hopping into an airplane with E any time soon--I'm not that brave--but maybe we can do a long weekend somewhere this summer.
A lot of people really enjoy the baby phase, but I am really looking forward to E being more like a mini human and less like a baby. I want him to be able to eat the food that we're eating and tell us what he's thinking and offer opinions and engage with us in a way that his little brain just can't do now. But whenever I find myself wishing for him to be older and more self-sufficient and frankly, a little less in need of so much sleep (seriously...15-16+ hours/day is nice but inconvenient), I try to remind myself to sit back and enjoy his baby years because they'll be gone soon.
In 2010-2011, my life changed dramatically. I got pregnant. I gave birth to a wonderful baby boy. I've redefined my normal once again, and while this new life is less indulgent and more structured, I've had the honor and privilege of creating a new life, and I am lucky enough that I can watch him grow up.
Between you and me, I'm a little scared about what 2020-2021 has in store for me. Luckily, I have a long time before I find out.
Everyone tells me about how fast time passes when you have a child. I understand it. The past eight months have gone by quickly. (Though I have to say that the first 8 weeks of those 8 months were among the longest of my life.) I think time is passing so quickly because we haven't had many fun adventures to break up the monotony of bottles, diapers, and naps.
I'm looking forward to going on adventures with E. I ask B all the time where we should take E for his first vacation. That we are even contemplating a vacation with him is a huge step. I don't see myself hopping into an airplane with E any time soon--I'm not that brave--but maybe we can do a long weekend somewhere this summer.
A lot of people really enjoy the baby phase, but I am really looking forward to E being more like a mini human and less like a baby. I want him to be able to eat the food that we're eating and tell us what he's thinking and offer opinions and engage with us in a way that his little brain just can't do now. But whenever I find myself wishing for him to be older and more self-sufficient and frankly, a little less in need of so much sleep (seriously...15-16+ hours/day is nice but inconvenient), I try to remind myself to sit back and enjoy his baby years because they'll be gone soon.
Putting an end to the suffering
When I suffered my second bout of mastitis just days after completing the antibiotics course for my first bout of mastitis, I decided it was time to re-evaluate the pumping situation.
I like the idea of providing E with the very best nutrition, but my pumping was distancing me from him and potentially interfering with my ability to care for him. When I pump, I cannot pick E up, feed him, or even bend over. When I'm home alone with him, I pump during his naps, but when I have mastitis, I have to stick to a more strict schedule, so I need someone else to be available to take care of him while I pump (and when I'm unable to get out of bed or pick him up).
My mother took care of E both times that I got mastitis. I'm so lucky that she was able and willing to do that, but not being able to take care of your own child is a daunting position to be in.
I decided that 7 1/2 months of pumping and 2 bouts of mastitis was enough. I had suffered enough. (A touch dramatic, perhaps, but I was in rough shape.)
I am now slowly, slowly, slowly reducing the time that I pump, with the goal of stopping pumping all together at some point in the near future.
I drop a minute from each pumping session every 3 or 4 days. B and I joke that I will still be pumping on the day of E's high school graduation. Ok, probably not, though it could be months before I'm able to stop completely. Going slowly is the key to avoiding another run-in with the big M, mastitis.
My weaning myself from the pump means that E now has to drink some formula. I thought that I would feel guilty after giving him his first bottle of formula, but interestingly, I did not feel guilty. I felt relieved. I was no longer solely responsible for producing his nutrition. And luckily for us, he is willing to drink formula, which he gets only at school for the time being. We still have enough breastmilk that he doesn't (yet) have to drink formula at home.
My pumping journey has been long and difficult, and it's not over yet, but I'm proud of myself for making it this far, and I am so looking forward to the day when I no longer have to pump.
I like the idea of providing E with the very best nutrition, but my pumping was distancing me from him and potentially interfering with my ability to care for him. When I pump, I cannot pick E up, feed him, or even bend over. When I'm home alone with him, I pump during his naps, but when I have mastitis, I have to stick to a more strict schedule, so I need someone else to be available to take care of him while I pump (and when I'm unable to get out of bed or pick him up).
My mother took care of E both times that I got mastitis. I'm so lucky that she was able and willing to do that, but not being able to take care of your own child is a daunting position to be in.
I decided that 7 1/2 months of pumping and 2 bouts of mastitis was enough. I had suffered enough. (A touch dramatic, perhaps, but I was in rough shape.)
I am now slowly, slowly, slowly reducing the time that I pump, with the goal of stopping pumping all together at some point in the near future.
I drop a minute from each pumping session every 3 or 4 days. B and I joke that I will still be pumping on the day of E's high school graduation. Ok, probably not, though it could be months before I'm able to stop completely. Going slowly is the key to avoiding another run-in with the big M, mastitis.
My weaning myself from the pump means that E now has to drink some formula. I thought that I would feel guilty after giving him his first bottle of formula, but interestingly, I did not feel guilty. I felt relieved. I was no longer solely responsible for producing his nutrition. And luckily for us, he is willing to drink formula, which he gets only at school for the time being. We still have enough breastmilk that he doesn't (yet) have to drink formula at home.
My pumping journey has been long and difficult, and it's not over yet, but I'm proud of myself for making it this far, and I am so looking forward to the day when I no longer have to pump.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The most wonderful time of the year, or know thy limits
It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was...Thanksgiving 2011.
I worried how E would handle Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Mostly, I was concerned about his sleeping. Now I know that there are so many other things to worry about!
For Thanksgiving, we traveled during naptimes, and E slept reasonably well in the car - hooray! However, after a few hours of socializing and people and chatter and attention, the little guy was so wired, he couldn't fall asleep that night.
His normal bedtime (4:45 now, or 5 if I'm running late) came and went, and he was nowhere near ready for sleep, though not because he wasn't tired. He was exhausted, but the overtired state is complicated for babies. Babies have a lot of trouble falling asleep when they are overtired.
After much rocking, crying, and hand chewing, he eventually fell asleep around 7. We were both pooped.
Meanwhile, the extended day away from home combined with E's super-late (for him) bedtime messed with my pumping schedule. Thanksgiving night, I felt feverish and sore and decidedly unwell. By the next morning, a call to the doctor confirmed my fears - I had developed mastitis.
I haven't felt that bad since I had the flu. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. B had to delay his work day and my parents had to come up and watch E because I could barely get out of bed, let alone take care of a baby. I started on an antibiotic and round-the-clock Motrin and was starting to feel more like a human within a couple days. I just took my last antibiotic today and feel completely better.
We learned our limits. I now know not to push the time between pumping sessions. And we now know that 3 hours is too long for E to socialize.
I apologize now to everyone we'll be seeing for Christmas. We'll show up, but we won't be able to stay long. I hope by next year, we'll be able to resume more of our holiday activities.
I worried how E would handle Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Mostly, I was concerned about his sleeping. Now I know that there are so many other things to worry about!
For Thanksgiving, we traveled during naptimes, and E slept reasonably well in the car - hooray! However, after a few hours of socializing and people and chatter and attention, the little guy was so wired, he couldn't fall asleep that night.
His normal bedtime (4:45 now, or 5 if I'm running late) came and went, and he was nowhere near ready for sleep, though not because he wasn't tired. He was exhausted, but the overtired state is complicated for babies. Babies have a lot of trouble falling asleep when they are overtired.
After much rocking, crying, and hand chewing, he eventually fell asleep around 7. We were both pooped.
Meanwhile, the extended day away from home combined with E's super-late (for him) bedtime messed with my pumping schedule. Thanksgiving night, I felt feverish and sore and decidedly unwell. By the next morning, a call to the doctor confirmed my fears - I had developed mastitis.
I haven't felt that bad since I had the flu. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. B had to delay his work day and my parents had to come up and watch E because I could barely get out of bed, let alone take care of a baby. I started on an antibiotic and round-the-clock Motrin and was starting to feel more like a human within a couple days. I just took my last antibiotic today and feel completely better.
We learned our limits. I now know not to push the time between pumping sessions. And we now know that 3 hours is too long for E to socialize.
I apologize now to everyone we'll be seeing for Christmas. We'll show up, but we won't be able to stay long. I hope by next year, we'll be able to resume more of our holiday activities.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
To procreate or not to procreate
This was the question I asked myself many times before B and I plunged into parenthood.
We (ok, I) deliberated long and hard for years and years about whether having a child was the right decision for me.
The difficulty with this decision is that you can easily identify the negative aspects involved in becoming a parent, but the positive aspects are more difficult to understand, particularly when you hear such wishy-washy wisdoms as "Your life will never been the same - for the better!" and "You don't understand your purpose on earth until you become a mother!"
So, let's start with what I knew. I knew that our lives would change. I knew I would get less sleep. I knew that vacations would be more difficult and that simple things that we took for granted, such as running out to the store, would no longer be as easy. I knew that our days of sleeping in and watching TV on a rainy afternoon would be over, for a while, anyway. I knew that my time would not really be my own anymore and that my priorities were going to shift dramatically.
I thought I was prepared for all the difficulties, but the truth is, you can't even begin to fathom the challenges until you experience them. Everything that you think will be hard is actually much harder than you expected. I've done my best to convey this information in previous postings, so I won't belabor the details again.
Because this post isn't going to be about how difficult it is to be a parent. I've written a lot about that, and for this post, I want to talk about the good stuff that comes when you become a parent. If you are on the fence about being a parent, you might benefit from my attempt at clarifying the wishy-washy wisdom.
Here is my clarification: In short, it feels good to be a parent. When you create an environment in which your child is happy and is thriving, you feel like a better person. You receive positive affirmation every time your child smiles at you or laughs because of something you did, whether you thought it was funny of not. In life, there are few opportunities to receive positive affirmation so many times in a single day. Imagine receiving 60 compliments in an hour? That's what it's like to take care of a smiling baby!
Every time your child reaches a milestone, from rolling over to sitting up to swallowing his first mouthful of mashed peas, you feel proud of yourself because the achievement happened under your love and care. Every time your child does something cute, you wish you could capture it in a little bubble and relive it over and over again, and again, you feel pride that your offspring has done something so memorable and wonderful. (On a side note, you sort of lose your mind regarding the awesomeness of your child's achievements and think that everything from a hiccup to a toe grab is the cutest thing ever, so you get to experience these moments all the time.)
Every time your child does something that reminds you of yourself, you receive more positive affirmation. After all, if there are two of you in the world doing the same thing, it must be a good idea! And when someone compliments your baby's cuteness or good behavior or skills, you feel as if the person is complimenting you.
When you sneak into your baby's room at night to watch him sleep (and perform your paranoid-mom is-he-still-breathing check), you feel wonder that you and your partner created the most perfect human being on earth, and you feel grateful that you have 18 years with him before he leaves and starts his own life away from you.
And part of you looks forward to that time, when you can sleep in again, vacation easily, shop when you want to, watch TV on a rainy day, and call your time your own. But part of you knows that no matter how difficult the 24/7 parenting days might be, you will miss them when they're gone, and so you try not to focus on the difficult parts and try to enjoy all the smiles and giggles and hugs.
We (ok, I) deliberated long and hard for years and years about whether having a child was the right decision for me.
The difficulty with this decision is that you can easily identify the negative aspects involved in becoming a parent, but the positive aspects are more difficult to understand, particularly when you hear such wishy-washy wisdoms as "Your life will never been the same - for the better!" and "You don't understand your purpose on earth until you become a mother!"
So, let's start with what I knew. I knew that our lives would change. I knew I would get less sleep. I knew that vacations would be more difficult and that simple things that we took for granted, such as running out to the store, would no longer be as easy. I knew that our days of sleeping in and watching TV on a rainy afternoon would be over, for a while, anyway. I knew that my time would not really be my own anymore and that my priorities were going to shift dramatically.
I thought I was prepared for all the difficulties, but the truth is, you can't even begin to fathom the challenges until you experience them. Everything that you think will be hard is actually much harder than you expected. I've done my best to convey this information in previous postings, so I won't belabor the details again.
Because this post isn't going to be about how difficult it is to be a parent. I've written a lot about that, and for this post, I want to talk about the good stuff that comes when you become a parent. If you are on the fence about being a parent, you might benefit from my attempt at clarifying the wishy-washy wisdom.
Here is my clarification: In short, it feels good to be a parent. When you create an environment in which your child is happy and is thriving, you feel like a better person. You receive positive affirmation every time your child smiles at you or laughs because of something you did, whether you thought it was funny of not. In life, there are few opportunities to receive positive affirmation so many times in a single day. Imagine receiving 60 compliments in an hour? That's what it's like to take care of a smiling baby!
Every time your child reaches a milestone, from rolling over to sitting up to swallowing his first mouthful of mashed peas, you feel proud of yourself because the achievement happened under your love and care. Every time your child does something cute, you wish you could capture it in a little bubble and relive it over and over again, and again, you feel pride that your offspring has done something so memorable and wonderful. (On a side note, you sort of lose your mind regarding the awesomeness of your child's achievements and think that everything from a hiccup to a toe grab is the cutest thing ever, so you get to experience these moments all the time.)
Every time your child does something that reminds you of yourself, you receive more positive affirmation. After all, if there are two of you in the world doing the same thing, it must be a good idea! And when someone compliments your baby's cuteness or good behavior or skills, you feel as if the person is complimenting you.
When you sneak into your baby's room at night to watch him sleep (and perform your paranoid-mom is-he-still-breathing check), you feel wonder that you and your partner created the most perfect human being on earth, and you feel grateful that you have 18 years with him before he leaves and starts his own life away from you.
And part of you looks forward to that time, when you can sleep in again, vacation easily, shop when you want to, watch TV on a rainy day, and call your time your own. But part of you knows that no matter how difficult the 24/7 parenting days might be, you will miss them when they're gone, and so you try not to focus on the difficult parts and try to enjoy all the smiles and giggles and hugs.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
You have the right to remain silent
B and I were discussing our significantly scaled-back social lifestyle recently and decided that having a baby is a little like being placed under house arrest.
Sure, sometimes we leave the house. On weekends, we usually take turns. One person goes to the grocery store, and another person gets the oil changed. (Or B goes to the grocery store and then gets the oil changed - whichever.)
When my parents are kind enough to babysit the little man on weekends, we both can leave the house together. Sometimes we even (gasp!) go to a restaurant. Usually we run errands. I know, I know--contain your envy.
Rarely do we both leave the house with E, as he usually falls asleep and then his naps for the rest of the day are thrown off.
Knowing that this lifestyle is somewhat self-inflicted makes it a little easier to tolerate. A few months ago, after reading several books about infant and child sleep, I chose to put E's naps first whenever possible. And so we do, but my goodness, it's difficult.
How do we cope with this huge lifestyle adjustment? First, we accept that it's how our lives are going now, but it's not how they will always go. We hope that by the time E is down to 1 nap per day (which usually happens between 12 and 15 months), we'll have a little more freedom.
Second, we buy as much as we can online. Amazon is my new best friend. I joined Amazon Mom, which is a free program that offers 2-day shipping on nearly everything. (It's amazing.)
And finally, we do our best to enjoy this time with E. Life with a new baby presents many challenges, but witnessing these early months and all his discoveries and firsts is pretty amazing. He gets more and more charming every day.
And some day, we will be able to take him out so he can show off this charm to the rest of the world.
Sure, sometimes we leave the house. On weekends, we usually take turns. One person goes to the grocery store, and another person gets the oil changed. (Or B goes to the grocery store and then gets the oil changed - whichever.)
When my parents are kind enough to babysit the little man on weekends, we both can leave the house together. Sometimes we even (gasp!) go to a restaurant. Usually we run errands. I know, I know--contain your envy.
Rarely do we both leave the house with E, as he usually falls asleep and then his naps for the rest of the day are thrown off.
Knowing that this lifestyle is somewhat self-inflicted makes it a little easier to tolerate. A few months ago, after reading several books about infant and child sleep, I chose to put E's naps first whenever possible. And so we do, but my goodness, it's difficult.
How do we cope with this huge lifestyle adjustment? First, we accept that it's how our lives are going now, but it's not how they will always go. We hope that by the time E is down to 1 nap per day (which usually happens between 12 and 15 months), we'll have a little more freedom.
Second, we buy as much as we can online. Amazon is my new best friend. I joined Amazon Mom, which is a free program that offers 2-day shipping on nearly everything. (It's amazing.)
And finally, we do our best to enjoy this time with E. Life with a new baby presents many challenges, but witnessing these early months and all his discoveries and firsts is pretty amazing. He gets more and more charming every day.
And some day, we will be able to take him out so he can show off this charm to the rest of the world.
Friday, November 4, 2011
A twenty-six moo salute
Today marks twenty-six weeks from E's birth. This occasion should be celebrated: I have achieved my pumping goal.
I have pumped at home, at other's homes, and in hotel rooms. I have pumped in parking lots, on highways, and by the side of the road. I have pumped at work.
I have pumped in the middle of the night and in the middle of the day. I have pumped while E napped, and I have pumped while trying to juggle a crying E. I have woken forty-five minutes early for the past 6 months so that I could pump. I have stayed up later than I wanted to so that I could pump.
I overcame the challenges that arose so that I could continue pumping. I pumped during an earthquake, a hurricane, and a snowstorm. I pumped during a 50-hour power outage. I pumped when I left my charging plug behind in a New York hotel room. I pumped after my first pump wore out and I had to get a replacement.
I pumped for hours a day, every day, for the sake of my baby, with the help, assistance, and encouragement of family and friends, and especially of B, who supported me in my goal, despite its numerous inconveniences.
So what now? I'll keep going, for a little while at least. I recently reduced my daily pumping sessions to 3 and consequently have to thaw some of the stockpiled supply to keep E fed each day. Probably by the end of the month, we'll start supplementing with formula. Eventually, I'll drop to 2 pumping sessions, and then 1, and then stop completely, whenever I decide that I've done as much as I want to, and we'll switch to 100% formula. By then, E will be eating more solids and won't be drinking quite as much as he is now.
To all my pumping sisters, both full- and part-timers, I raise my single, small, celebratory drink to you.
I have pumped at home, at other's homes, and in hotel rooms. I have pumped in parking lots, on highways, and by the side of the road. I have pumped at work.
I have pumped in the middle of the night and in the middle of the day. I have pumped while E napped, and I have pumped while trying to juggle a crying E. I have woken forty-five minutes early for the past 6 months so that I could pump. I have stayed up later than I wanted to so that I could pump.
I overcame the challenges that arose so that I could continue pumping. I pumped during an earthquake, a hurricane, and a snowstorm. I pumped during a 50-hour power outage. I pumped when I left my charging plug behind in a New York hotel room. I pumped after my first pump wore out and I had to get a replacement.
I pumped for hours a day, every day, for the sake of my baby, with the help, assistance, and encouragement of family and friends, and especially of B, who supported me in my goal, despite its numerous inconveniences.
So what now? I'll keep going, for a little while at least. I recently reduced my daily pumping sessions to 3 and consequently have to thaw some of the stockpiled supply to keep E fed each day. Probably by the end of the month, we'll start supplementing with formula. Eventually, I'll drop to 2 pumping sessions, and then 1, and then stop completely, whenever I decide that I've done as much as I want to, and we'll switch to 100% formula. By then, E will be eating more solids and won't be drinking quite as much as he is now.
To all my pumping sisters, both full- and part-timers, I raise my single, small, celebratory drink to you.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Phantom baby cry
Perhaps you've heard of phantom limb, a sensation in which an amputated limb seems still to be attached to your body. I've uncovered a similar phenomenon: phantom baby cry.
Phantom baby cry manifests itself in several ways. When you're sleeping and your baby starts and then stops crying, you continue to hear the crying in your head. Only when you look at the baby monitor and see that it is not lighting up like the Fourth of July do you realize that your baby has settled down and is no longer crying. Yet you continue to hear the crying in your head.
Phantom baby cry doesn't always begin with your own baby crying, though. Any sound that resembles your baby's cry, such as children playing outside, certain types of music, and even birds, can trigger it, and then you stare at the baby monitor, trying to figure out if your baby is in distress.
I first experienced phantom baby cry in the hospital after delivering E, and it interrupted my sleep then as much as it does now. I simply cannot return to sleep after experiencing phantom baby cry.
I am hopeful that phantom baby cry will fade, just as the baby-in-the-bed dreams have mostly gone away. In the early days, I woke several times per night to B patting, hugging, and jiggling a pillow, attempting to soothe it because he thought it was E. Other times, he'd wake in a panic, patting around the bed looking for E until I explained that he was in his crib. These moments were somewhat funny until I started having the same dreams, waking up and thinking that I had lost E in the bed.
Anyway, the baby-in-the-bed dreams mostly went away when E started sleeping in his own room, and I hope that when E's sleep becomes a little more predictable and less fraught with tears, phantom baby cry will go away.
Please let it go away...
Phantom baby cry manifests itself in several ways. When you're sleeping and your baby starts and then stops crying, you continue to hear the crying in your head. Only when you look at the baby monitor and see that it is not lighting up like the Fourth of July do you realize that your baby has settled down and is no longer crying. Yet you continue to hear the crying in your head.
Phantom baby cry doesn't always begin with your own baby crying, though. Any sound that resembles your baby's cry, such as children playing outside, certain types of music, and even birds, can trigger it, and then you stare at the baby monitor, trying to figure out if your baby is in distress.
I first experienced phantom baby cry in the hospital after delivering E, and it interrupted my sleep then as much as it does now. I simply cannot return to sleep after experiencing phantom baby cry.
I am hopeful that phantom baby cry will fade, just as the baby-in-the-bed dreams have mostly gone away. In the early days, I woke several times per night to B patting, hugging, and jiggling a pillow, attempting to soothe it because he thought it was E. Other times, he'd wake in a panic, patting around the bed looking for E until I explained that he was in his crib. These moments were somewhat funny until I started having the same dreams, waking up and thinking that I had lost E in the bed.
Anyway, the baby-in-the-bed dreams mostly went away when E started sleeping in his own room, and I hope that when E's sleep becomes a little more predictable and less fraught with tears, phantom baby cry will go away.
Please let it go away...
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My latest obsessions
And now for some non-baby chatter.
My latest obsessions...
Pandora
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm rarely an early adopter of anything, so no surprise there. Pandora, if you are also late to the party, lets you create your own radio stations. You start with an artist, a song, or a genre, and by liking or disliking music, you can take your station in just about any direction. Or if you want a low-touch experience, you can skip the liking and disliking and listen to what they throw at you.
I have been going through phases. For a while, it was Time to Say Good-bye radio, and I walked around the house pretending to be an opera singer. (I suspect that B is glad that my Sarah Brightman phase has passed - for now.) Now I'm listening to Halleluja radio; I think I could listen to that song all day.
My Billy Joel station is also a fav.
Having a working cell phone
Perhaps "obsession" is too strong of a word. In fitting with my what-is-technology theme, I use a Blackberry that B bought before we were married. About a month ago, I learned that it was no longer receiving incoming calls. Shortly after, I found I could not send text messages.
Unfortunately, this situation is no longer tolerable. I need to be reachable, and I'd like to be able to send text messages. Maybe I'd even like to take a picture or two.
B and I decided that we'd buy new iPhones when the iPhone 5 came out, except...yeah, the iPhone 5 didn't come out. I decided I could live with the bargain-priced iPhone 4, and B ordered the 4S for himself, and our new phones should arrive in the next week or two.
I have mixed feelings about this purchase, considering my new phone is a year old, and do I really want to jump on the bandwagon before the rest of the world has had a chance to vet it, but I am taking a gamble on Apple. Apple, don't make me regret this decision.
My Kindle
I bought my Kindle over a year ago but didn't start appreciating it until E came along.
I went back to work after 6 weeks of leave (a story that I suppose I ought to share, perhaps sometime, if I'm feeling very brave), and B stayed home with the little man for a while. B watched him during the day, and I took over at 4 o'clock, after my workday ended. Part of the evening involved, obviously, putting E to sleep.
I wanted E to learn to fall asleep on his own, but this task is not an overnight process. I'd rock him, and then I'd put a drowsy-but-awake baby into his crib to see if he could fall asleep on his own. If he started to cry, I'd pick him up and start rocking, and try putting him down again in a few minutes.
Sometimes he'd fall asleep, only to wake up a few minutes later and need more rocking.
This process could easily take a half hour at night, sometimes more, in a darkened room. My Kindle and its booklight-equipped cover provided me with entertainment and an opportunity to do something that I enjoyed each day while teaching E a valuable skill.
The Fremont Jones books by Dianne Day will probably always remind me of that time period, as they were my main entertainment. I ran out of Fremont books and have since moved on to the Mary Russell books by Laurie King. Both books feature strong female protagonists who investigate crime. I would more strongly recommend the King books, particularly if you are a fan of Sherlock Holmes.
Buying a Kindle has transformed the way that I buy and think about books. Before, I carefully considered every book acquisition because I would need to find a place to store it, and our bookshelves are already full. Now that my books are digital, I can buy as many as I want and never have to worry about storage.
My book expenses have, needless to say, skyrocketed. On the other hand, since my clothing is frequently covered in drool, snot, and spitup, my clothing purchases have been radically reduced. Why buy nice stuff if it's only going to get baby-gooped?
I miss Anthropologie...
My latest obsessions...
Pandora
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm rarely an early adopter of anything, so no surprise there. Pandora, if you are also late to the party, lets you create your own radio stations. You start with an artist, a song, or a genre, and by liking or disliking music, you can take your station in just about any direction. Or if you want a low-touch experience, you can skip the liking and disliking and listen to what they throw at you.
I have been going through phases. For a while, it was Time to Say Good-bye radio, and I walked around the house pretending to be an opera singer. (I suspect that B is glad that my Sarah Brightman phase has passed - for now.) Now I'm listening to Halleluja radio; I think I could listen to that song all day.
My Billy Joel station is also a fav.
Having a working cell phone
Perhaps "obsession" is too strong of a word. In fitting with my what-is-technology theme, I use a Blackberry that B bought before we were married. About a month ago, I learned that it was no longer receiving incoming calls. Shortly after, I found I could not send text messages.
Unfortunately, this situation is no longer tolerable. I need to be reachable, and I'd like to be able to send text messages. Maybe I'd even like to take a picture or two.
B and I decided that we'd buy new iPhones when the iPhone 5 came out, except...yeah, the iPhone 5 didn't come out. I decided I could live with the bargain-priced iPhone 4, and B ordered the 4S for himself, and our new phones should arrive in the next week or two.
I have mixed feelings about this purchase, considering my new phone is a year old, and do I really want to jump on the bandwagon before the rest of the world has had a chance to vet it, but I am taking a gamble on Apple. Apple, don't make me regret this decision.
My Kindle
I bought my Kindle over a year ago but didn't start appreciating it until E came along.
I went back to work after 6 weeks of leave (a story that I suppose I ought to share, perhaps sometime, if I'm feeling very brave), and B stayed home with the little man for a while. B watched him during the day, and I took over at 4 o'clock, after my workday ended. Part of the evening involved, obviously, putting E to sleep.
I wanted E to learn to fall asleep on his own, but this task is not an overnight process. I'd rock him, and then I'd put a drowsy-but-awake baby into his crib to see if he could fall asleep on his own. If he started to cry, I'd pick him up and start rocking, and try putting him down again in a few minutes.
Sometimes he'd fall asleep, only to wake up a few minutes later and need more rocking.
This process could easily take a half hour at night, sometimes more, in a darkened room. My Kindle and its booklight-equipped cover provided me with entertainment and an opportunity to do something that I enjoyed each day while teaching E a valuable skill.
The Fremont Jones books by Dianne Day will probably always remind me of that time period, as they were my main entertainment. I ran out of Fremont books and have since moved on to the Mary Russell books by Laurie King. Both books feature strong female protagonists who investigate crime. I would more strongly recommend the King books, particularly if you are a fan of Sherlock Holmes.
Buying a Kindle has transformed the way that I buy and think about books. Before, I carefully considered every book acquisition because I would need to find a place to store it, and our bookshelves are already full. Now that my books are digital, I can buy as many as I want and never have to worry about storage.
My book expenses have, needless to say, skyrocketed. On the other hand, since my clothing is frequently covered in drool, snot, and spitup, my clothing purchases have been radically reduced. Why buy nice stuff if it's only going to get baby-gooped?
I miss Anthropologie...
Friday, October 7, 2011
Baby as handbag and other misconceptions
We booked E into a daycare center before we told family and friends that I was pregnant. I had heard about lengthy waiting lists and didn't want to be stuck without daycare options for him.
At our orientation, we learned that they were open from 7 AM to 6 PM. These hours gave us pause.
In the olden days (pre-Rooster), we both left the house before 7, and B always got home around 6:30. Depending on traffic, I usually got home between 5 and 6, but epic traffic days could involve a 2-hour ride home and an unpredictable arrival time.
For pickups after 6 PM, the center charges $1 per minute. Timeliness is of the essence at the end of the day.
We realized we were going to have to make adjustments in our lives. At the time, I reasoned that B could take the later train, dropping E off at 7 AM on the dot, and I could pick E up, arriving by 6 each night. In my mind, I thought of E a bit like a handbag that one could drop off and pick up at will and who would happily adjust to whatever schedule we needed to keep for work.
Parents of babies, feel free to snicker at my naivete. I certainly do.
After E came along, reality set in, and I realized that a baby is not at all like a handbag and he does not happily adjust to anything unless it's something that he wants.
I now know that his being at daycare from 7 AM to 6 PM would be difficult, if not impossible, since he usually does not wake up until 6:45 or 7 AM and usually goes to bed for the night between 5 and 5:30.
Yes, he really goes to bed for the night at that time, and he sleeps the whole night through (in his crib!) without needing a feeding. We have a sleepy baby.
In other sleepy news, he needs 3 naps a day. Most but not all babies eliminate the third nap by 9 months. If I had to guess, I'd say that E is going to be one of those babies who still needs a third nap.
He can't be awake for more than 2 hours without needing another nap, and 2 hours is pushing it. Usually, he needs to sleep after being up for an hour and a half.
As a result, we are frequently housebound. Sure, we could take him out in the car, and he'd fall asleep, but he wouldn't have a good nap; he'd wake up frequently; and any sleep that he might have had in his crib would be lost. I feel guilty doing that to him.
So we stay home almost all the time. If we need to run an errand, one person goes, or my parents watch Eli while we leave together.
Did I expect to be housebound for the first year of E's life? No, certainly not. Again, I thought he'd be like a cute, smiling handbag that one could take about during one's day, and that he'd nap when it was convenient for me.
On the plus side, E is more charming than I anticipated, and he brings me more joy and happiness than I expected. Every night before bed, I peek into his room and see him curled up on his left side, sleeping away, and I smile and say thanks that he's in my life. When I go into his room in the morning after he's woken up and he smiles up at me and is genuinely happy to see me, I accept the tradeoff that I've made - freedom gone, but new joy discovered. The sacrifices are worth it.
And I am grateful that B and I had 6+ wonderful, travel-filled, and delightful years before we undertook this adventure.
At our orientation, we learned that they were open from 7 AM to 6 PM. These hours gave us pause.
In the olden days (pre-Rooster), we both left the house before 7, and B always got home around 6:30. Depending on traffic, I usually got home between 5 and 6, but epic traffic days could involve a 2-hour ride home and an unpredictable arrival time.
For pickups after 6 PM, the center charges $1 per minute. Timeliness is of the essence at the end of the day.
We realized we were going to have to make adjustments in our lives. At the time, I reasoned that B could take the later train, dropping E off at 7 AM on the dot, and I could pick E up, arriving by 6 each night. In my mind, I thought of E a bit like a handbag that one could drop off and pick up at will and who would happily adjust to whatever schedule we needed to keep for work.
Parents of babies, feel free to snicker at my naivete. I certainly do.
After E came along, reality set in, and I realized that a baby is not at all like a handbag and he does not happily adjust to anything unless it's something that he wants.
I now know that his being at daycare from 7 AM to 6 PM would be difficult, if not impossible, since he usually does not wake up until 6:45 or 7 AM and usually goes to bed for the night between 5 and 5:30.
Yes, he really goes to bed for the night at that time, and he sleeps the whole night through (in his crib!) without needing a feeding. We have a sleepy baby.
In other sleepy news, he needs 3 naps a day. Most but not all babies eliminate the third nap by 9 months. If I had to guess, I'd say that E is going to be one of those babies who still needs a third nap.
He can't be awake for more than 2 hours without needing another nap, and 2 hours is pushing it. Usually, he needs to sleep after being up for an hour and a half.
As a result, we are frequently housebound. Sure, we could take him out in the car, and he'd fall asleep, but he wouldn't have a good nap; he'd wake up frequently; and any sleep that he might have had in his crib would be lost. I feel guilty doing that to him.
So we stay home almost all the time. If we need to run an errand, one person goes, or my parents watch Eli while we leave together.
Did I expect to be housebound for the first year of E's life? No, certainly not. Again, I thought he'd be like a cute, smiling handbag that one could take about during one's day, and that he'd nap when it was convenient for me.
On the plus side, E is more charming than I anticipated, and he brings me more joy and happiness than I expected. Every night before bed, I peek into his room and see him curled up on his left side, sleeping away, and I smile and say thanks that he's in my life. When I go into his room in the morning after he's woken up and he smiles up at me and is genuinely happy to see me, I accept the tradeoff that I've made - freedom gone, but new joy discovered. The sacrifices are worth it.
And I am grateful that B and I had 6+ wonderful, travel-filled, and delightful years before we undertook this adventure.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Successes, tempered by horrific frozen breast milk
A couple weeks after we got home from the hospital with little E, one or both of us went grocery shopping. (Those first few weeks are hazy in my mind.) When we (or B) returned, we brought in groceries and had nowhere to put them because on the counter were two dishtowels, covered in drying bottle and pump parts. We had to put the grocery bags on the floor and unload them from there.
I remember thinking, "Is this how my life is going to be from now on?"
The answer is, yes! Life is, in general, more difficult with a mini human. But we are learning to adapt.
For instance, with regard to the counter, we've figured out that we can fit said bottle and pump parts on one towel. And now that I pump less frequently, we don't have to run the dishwasher two or three times per day, so there are occasionally stretches of time in which there are no drying parts. That having available counter space in our kitchen is a success is testament to how carefully one will look for anything resembling success during trying times.
Another success is E's sleep, not that we can take credit for a sleepy baby. He started sleeping through the night at a young age. We can take credit for breaking two habits (which, in the interest of full disclosure, we imposed upon him)--sleeping in his swing, and sleeping in a swaddle. I worried on a daily basis about how we were going to get him into his crib and out of his swaddle. Last week, feeling inspired (ok, guilted, whatever) by daycare, I declared to B that E was sleeping in his crib that night. And he did.
Did he sleep through the night? No! He woke up frequently. However, we turned the baby monitor off, and I put in ear plugs, so my night was not too horribly interrupted.
Perhaps you think I am a neglectful mom for being honest about our sleep training. However, I read Weissbluth's book about childhood sleep twice, and he convinced me that his "extinction" method is the best way to break babies of bad sleep habits. Teaching E how to fall back to sleep on his own is a skill that he will need for the rest of his life, and the sooner he learns it, the better off he will be.
He's been in his crib, sans swaddle, for about a week now, and it's going well. Last night he was awake between 4:30 and 5, singing to himself. I'm considering turning the hated baby monitor off for good, but I'm worried I won't wake up if he starts crying and something is genuinely wrong.
(In case you're interested in sleep training, I highly recommend reading a book about it. Some people are under the mistaken impression that sleep training means that you can put your baby down if he's crying and you don't want to deal with him, or that you never go to your baby when he cries, or that you don't have to do your part to get your baby ready for sleep. I recommend learning the rules before you play the sleep-training game.)
One final success is pumping, though even that success is tempered with the horror of spoiled breastmilk. B has already covered this story well in his blog, so I won't go into much detail, but we spent over an hour last night defrosting, sniffing, and dumping an entire month's worth of frozen milk. Tonight we work our way through August's milk and hope that not all of it has turned soapy/metallic/horrific.
This post is as scattered as my mind is lately.
I remember thinking, "Is this how my life is going to be from now on?"
The answer is, yes! Life is, in general, more difficult with a mini human. But we are learning to adapt.
For instance, with regard to the counter, we've figured out that we can fit said bottle and pump parts on one towel. And now that I pump less frequently, we don't have to run the dishwasher two or three times per day, so there are occasionally stretches of time in which there are no drying parts. That having available counter space in our kitchen is a success is testament to how carefully one will look for anything resembling success during trying times.
Another success is E's sleep, not that we can take credit for a sleepy baby. He started sleeping through the night at a young age. We can take credit for breaking two habits (which, in the interest of full disclosure, we imposed upon him)--sleeping in his swing, and sleeping in a swaddle. I worried on a daily basis about how we were going to get him into his crib and out of his swaddle. Last week, feeling inspired (ok, guilted, whatever) by daycare, I declared to B that E was sleeping in his crib that night. And he did.
Did he sleep through the night? No! He woke up frequently. However, we turned the baby monitor off, and I put in ear plugs, so my night was not too horribly interrupted.
Perhaps you think I am a neglectful mom for being honest about our sleep training. However, I read Weissbluth's book about childhood sleep twice, and he convinced me that his "extinction" method is the best way to break babies of bad sleep habits. Teaching E how to fall back to sleep on his own is a skill that he will need for the rest of his life, and the sooner he learns it, the better off he will be.
He's been in his crib, sans swaddle, for about a week now, and it's going well. Last night he was awake between 4:30 and 5, singing to himself. I'm considering turning the hated baby monitor off for good, but I'm worried I won't wake up if he starts crying and something is genuinely wrong.
(In case you're interested in sleep training, I highly recommend reading a book about it. Some people are under the mistaken impression that sleep training means that you can put your baby down if he's crying and you don't want to deal with him, or that you never go to your baby when he cries, or that you don't have to do your part to get your baby ready for sleep. I recommend learning the rules before you play the sleep-training game.)
One final success is pumping, though even that success is tempered with the horror of spoiled breastmilk. B has already covered this story well in his blog, so I won't go into much detail, but we spent over an hour last night defrosting, sniffing, and dumping an entire month's worth of frozen milk. Tonight we work our way through August's milk and hope that not all of it has turned soapy/metallic/horrific.
This post is as scattered as my mind is lately.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Achy breaky mom
I gave birth over four months ago, but I'm not finished with my pregnancy rants yet.
I expected to be a little creaky during pregnancy, when everything spreads out a little. But I expected the creakiness to be over after little E greeted the world.
The creakiness did not end. In fact, it only got worse.
I feel as if I have aged 30 years in just a short period of time. My knees ache when I walk up the stairs. My first steps of the day after getting out of bed are tentative, delicate, and painful. My joints crack when I walk. This is my reward for giving new life?
A quick internet search revealed that I am not alone with my achies, and they might be related to breastfeeding, a painful irony to accept. Isn't the breastpump punishment enough? Must I feel arthritic, too?
Motherhood: Not for wimps.
I expected to be a little creaky during pregnancy, when everything spreads out a little. But I expected the creakiness to be over after little E greeted the world.
The creakiness did not end. In fact, it only got worse.
I feel as if I have aged 30 years in just a short period of time. My knees ache when I walk up the stairs. My first steps of the day after getting out of bed are tentative, delicate, and painful. My joints crack when I walk. This is my reward for giving new life?
A quick internet search revealed that I am not alone with my achies, and they might be related to breastfeeding, a painful irony to accept. Isn't the breastpump punishment enough? Must I feel arthritic, too?
Motherhood: Not for wimps.
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