It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. It was...Thanksgiving 2011.
I worried how E would handle Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Mostly, I was concerned about his sleeping. Now I know that there are so many other things to worry about!
For Thanksgiving, we traveled during naptimes, and E slept reasonably well in the car - hooray! However, after a few hours of socializing and people and chatter and attention, the little guy was so wired, he couldn't fall asleep that night.
His normal bedtime (4:45 now, or 5 if I'm running late) came and went, and he was nowhere near ready for sleep, though not because he wasn't tired. He was exhausted, but the overtired state is complicated for babies. Babies have a lot of trouble falling asleep when they are overtired.
After much rocking, crying, and hand chewing, he eventually fell asleep around 7. We were both pooped.
Meanwhile, the extended day away from home combined with E's super-late (for him) bedtime messed with my pumping schedule. Thanksgiving night, I felt feverish and sore and decidedly unwell. By the next morning, a call to the doctor confirmed my fears - I had developed mastitis.
I haven't felt that bad since I had the flu. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. B had to delay his work day and my parents had to come up and watch E because I could barely get out of bed, let alone take care of a baby. I started on an antibiotic and round-the-clock Motrin and was starting to feel more like a human within a couple days. I just took my last antibiotic today and feel completely better.
We learned our limits. I now know not to push the time between pumping sessions. And we now know that 3 hours is too long for E to socialize.
I apologize now to everyone we'll be seeing for Christmas. We'll show up, but we won't be able to stay long. I hope by next year, we'll be able to resume more of our holiday activities.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
To procreate or not to procreate
This was the question I asked myself many times before B and I plunged into parenthood.
We (ok, I) deliberated long and hard for years and years about whether having a child was the right decision for me.
The difficulty with this decision is that you can easily identify the negative aspects involved in becoming a parent, but the positive aspects are more difficult to understand, particularly when you hear such wishy-washy wisdoms as "Your life will never been the same - for the better!" and "You don't understand your purpose on earth until you become a mother!"
So, let's start with what I knew. I knew that our lives would change. I knew I would get less sleep. I knew that vacations would be more difficult and that simple things that we took for granted, such as running out to the store, would no longer be as easy. I knew that our days of sleeping in and watching TV on a rainy afternoon would be over, for a while, anyway. I knew that my time would not really be my own anymore and that my priorities were going to shift dramatically.
I thought I was prepared for all the difficulties, but the truth is, you can't even begin to fathom the challenges until you experience them. Everything that you think will be hard is actually much harder than you expected. I've done my best to convey this information in previous postings, so I won't belabor the details again.
Because this post isn't going to be about how difficult it is to be a parent. I've written a lot about that, and for this post, I want to talk about the good stuff that comes when you become a parent. If you are on the fence about being a parent, you might benefit from my attempt at clarifying the wishy-washy wisdom.
Here is my clarification: In short, it feels good to be a parent. When you create an environment in which your child is happy and is thriving, you feel like a better person. You receive positive affirmation every time your child smiles at you or laughs because of something you did, whether you thought it was funny of not. In life, there are few opportunities to receive positive affirmation so many times in a single day. Imagine receiving 60 compliments in an hour? That's what it's like to take care of a smiling baby!
Every time your child reaches a milestone, from rolling over to sitting up to swallowing his first mouthful of mashed peas, you feel proud of yourself because the achievement happened under your love and care. Every time your child does something cute, you wish you could capture it in a little bubble and relive it over and over again, and again, you feel pride that your offspring has done something so memorable and wonderful. (On a side note, you sort of lose your mind regarding the awesomeness of your child's achievements and think that everything from a hiccup to a toe grab is the cutest thing ever, so you get to experience these moments all the time.)
Every time your child does something that reminds you of yourself, you receive more positive affirmation. After all, if there are two of you in the world doing the same thing, it must be a good idea! And when someone compliments your baby's cuteness or good behavior or skills, you feel as if the person is complimenting you.
When you sneak into your baby's room at night to watch him sleep (and perform your paranoid-mom is-he-still-breathing check), you feel wonder that you and your partner created the most perfect human being on earth, and you feel grateful that you have 18 years with him before he leaves and starts his own life away from you.
And part of you looks forward to that time, when you can sleep in again, vacation easily, shop when you want to, watch TV on a rainy day, and call your time your own. But part of you knows that no matter how difficult the 24/7 parenting days might be, you will miss them when they're gone, and so you try not to focus on the difficult parts and try to enjoy all the smiles and giggles and hugs.
We (ok, I) deliberated long and hard for years and years about whether having a child was the right decision for me.
The difficulty with this decision is that you can easily identify the negative aspects involved in becoming a parent, but the positive aspects are more difficult to understand, particularly when you hear such wishy-washy wisdoms as "Your life will never been the same - for the better!" and "You don't understand your purpose on earth until you become a mother!"
So, let's start with what I knew. I knew that our lives would change. I knew I would get less sleep. I knew that vacations would be more difficult and that simple things that we took for granted, such as running out to the store, would no longer be as easy. I knew that our days of sleeping in and watching TV on a rainy afternoon would be over, for a while, anyway. I knew that my time would not really be my own anymore and that my priorities were going to shift dramatically.
I thought I was prepared for all the difficulties, but the truth is, you can't even begin to fathom the challenges until you experience them. Everything that you think will be hard is actually much harder than you expected. I've done my best to convey this information in previous postings, so I won't belabor the details again.
Because this post isn't going to be about how difficult it is to be a parent. I've written a lot about that, and for this post, I want to talk about the good stuff that comes when you become a parent. If you are on the fence about being a parent, you might benefit from my attempt at clarifying the wishy-washy wisdom.
Here is my clarification: In short, it feels good to be a parent. When you create an environment in which your child is happy and is thriving, you feel like a better person. You receive positive affirmation every time your child smiles at you or laughs because of something you did, whether you thought it was funny of not. In life, there are few opportunities to receive positive affirmation so many times in a single day. Imagine receiving 60 compliments in an hour? That's what it's like to take care of a smiling baby!
Every time your child reaches a milestone, from rolling over to sitting up to swallowing his first mouthful of mashed peas, you feel proud of yourself because the achievement happened under your love and care. Every time your child does something cute, you wish you could capture it in a little bubble and relive it over and over again, and again, you feel pride that your offspring has done something so memorable and wonderful. (On a side note, you sort of lose your mind regarding the awesomeness of your child's achievements and think that everything from a hiccup to a toe grab is the cutest thing ever, so you get to experience these moments all the time.)
Every time your child does something that reminds you of yourself, you receive more positive affirmation. After all, if there are two of you in the world doing the same thing, it must be a good idea! And when someone compliments your baby's cuteness or good behavior or skills, you feel as if the person is complimenting you.
When you sneak into your baby's room at night to watch him sleep (and perform your paranoid-mom is-he-still-breathing check), you feel wonder that you and your partner created the most perfect human being on earth, and you feel grateful that you have 18 years with him before he leaves and starts his own life away from you.
And part of you looks forward to that time, when you can sleep in again, vacation easily, shop when you want to, watch TV on a rainy day, and call your time your own. But part of you knows that no matter how difficult the 24/7 parenting days might be, you will miss them when they're gone, and so you try not to focus on the difficult parts and try to enjoy all the smiles and giggles and hugs.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
You have the right to remain silent
B and I were discussing our significantly scaled-back social lifestyle recently and decided that having a baby is a little like being placed under house arrest.
Sure, sometimes we leave the house. On weekends, we usually take turns. One person goes to the grocery store, and another person gets the oil changed. (Or B goes to the grocery store and then gets the oil changed - whichever.)
When my parents are kind enough to babysit the little man on weekends, we both can leave the house together. Sometimes we even (gasp!) go to a restaurant. Usually we run errands. I know, I know--contain your envy.
Rarely do we both leave the house with E, as he usually falls asleep and then his naps for the rest of the day are thrown off.
Knowing that this lifestyle is somewhat self-inflicted makes it a little easier to tolerate. A few months ago, after reading several books about infant and child sleep, I chose to put E's naps first whenever possible. And so we do, but my goodness, it's difficult.
How do we cope with this huge lifestyle adjustment? First, we accept that it's how our lives are going now, but it's not how they will always go. We hope that by the time E is down to 1 nap per day (which usually happens between 12 and 15 months), we'll have a little more freedom.
Second, we buy as much as we can online. Amazon is my new best friend. I joined Amazon Mom, which is a free program that offers 2-day shipping on nearly everything. (It's amazing.)
And finally, we do our best to enjoy this time with E. Life with a new baby presents many challenges, but witnessing these early months and all his discoveries and firsts is pretty amazing. He gets more and more charming every day.
And some day, we will be able to take him out so he can show off this charm to the rest of the world.
Sure, sometimes we leave the house. On weekends, we usually take turns. One person goes to the grocery store, and another person gets the oil changed. (Or B goes to the grocery store and then gets the oil changed - whichever.)
When my parents are kind enough to babysit the little man on weekends, we both can leave the house together. Sometimes we even (gasp!) go to a restaurant. Usually we run errands. I know, I know--contain your envy.
Rarely do we both leave the house with E, as he usually falls asleep and then his naps for the rest of the day are thrown off.
Knowing that this lifestyle is somewhat self-inflicted makes it a little easier to tolerate. A few months ago, after reading several books about infant and child sleep, I chose to put E's naps first whenever possible. And so we do, but my goodness, it's difficult.
How do we cope with this huge lifestyle adjustment? First, we accept that it's how our lives are going now, but it's not how they will always go. We hope that by the time E is down to 1 nap per day (which usually happens between 12 and 15 months), we'll have a little more freedom.
Second, we buy as much as we can online. Amazon is my new best friend. I joined Amazon Mom, which is a free program that offers 2-day shipping on nearly everything. (It's amazing.)
And finally, we do our best to enjoy this time with E. Life with a new baby presents many challenges, but witnessing these early months and all his discoveries and firsts is pretty amazing. He gets more and more charming every day.
And some day, we will be able to take him out so he can show off this charm to the rest of the world.
Friday, November 4, 2011
A twenty-six moo salute
Today marks twenty-six weeks from E's birth. This occasion should be celebrated: I have achieved my pumping goal.
I have pumped at home, at other's homes, and in hotel rooms. I have pumped in parking lots, on highways, and by the side of the road. I have pumped at work.
I have pumped in the middle of the night and in the middle of the day. I have pumped while E napped, and I have pumped while trying to juggle a crying E. I have woken forty-five minutes early for the past 6 months so that I could pump. I have stayed up later than I wanted to so that I could pump.
I overcame the challenges that arose so that I could continue pumping. I pumped during an earthquake, a hurricane, and a snowstorm. I pumped during a 50-hour power outage. I pumped when I left my charging plug behind in a New York hotel room. I pumped after my first pump wore out and I had to get a replacement.
I pumped for hours a day, every day, for the sake of my baby, with the help, assistance, and encouragement of family and friends, and especially of B, who supported me in my goal, despite its numerous inconveniences.
So what now? I'll keep going, for a little while at least. I recently reduced my daily pumping sessions to 3 and consequently have to thaw some of the stockpiled supply to keep E fed each day. Probably by the end of the month, we'll start supplementing with formula. Eventually, I'll drop to 2 pumping sessions, and then 1, and then stop completely, whenever I decide that I've done as much as I want to, and we'll switch to 100% formula. By then, E will be eating more solids and won't be drinking quite as much as he is now.
To all my pumping sisters, both full- and part-timers, I raise my single, small, celebratory drink to you.
I have pumped at home, at other's homes, and in hotel rooms. I have pumped in parking lots, on highways, and by the side of the road. I have pumped at work.
I have pumped in the middle of the night and in the middle of the day. I have pumped while E napped, and I have pumped while trying to juggle a crying E. I have woken forty-five minutes early for the past 6 months so that I could pump. I have stayed up later than I wanted to so that I could pump.
I overcame the challenges that arose so that I could continue pumping. I pumped during an earthquake, a hurricane, and a snowstorm. I pumped during a 50-hour power outage. I pumped when I left my charging plug behind in a New York hotel room. I pumped after my first pump wore out and I had to get a replacement.
I pumped for hours a day, every day, for the sake of my baby, with the help, assistance, and encouragement of family and friends, and especially of B, who supported me in my goal, despite its numerous inconveniences.
So what now? I'll keep going, for a little while at least. I recently reduced my daily pumping sessions to 3 and consequently have to thaw some of the stockpiled supply to keep E fed each day. Probably by the end of the month, we'll start supplementing with formula. Eventually, I'll drop to 2 pumping sessions, and then 1, and then stop completely, whenever I decide that I've done as much as I want to, and we'll switch to 100% formula. By then, E will be eating more solids and won't be drinking quite as much as he is now.
To all my pumping sisters, both full- and part-timers, I raise my single, small, celebratory drink to you.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Phantom baby cry
Perhaps you've heard of phantom limb, a sensation in which an amputated limb seems still to be attached to your body. I've uncovered a similar phenomenon: phantom baby cry.
Phantom baby cry manifests itself in several ways. When you're sleeping and your baby starts and then stops crying, you continue to hear the crying in your head. Only when you look at the baby monitor and see that it is not lighting up like the Fourth of July do you realize that your baby has settled down and is no longer crying. Yet you continue to hear the crying in your head.
Phantom baby cry doesn't always begin with your own baby crying, though. Any sound that resembles your baby's cry, such as children playing outside, certain types of music, and even birds, can trigger it, and then you stare at the baby monitor, trying to figure out if your baby is in distress.
I first experienced phantom baby cry in the hospital after delivering E, and it interrupted my sleep then as much as it does now. I simply cannot return to sleep after experiencing phantom baby cry.
I am hopeful that phantom baby cry will fade, just as the baby-in-the-bed dreams have mostly gone away. In the early days, I woke several times per night to B patting, hugging, and jiggling a pillow, attempting to soothe it because he thought it was E. Other times, he'd wake in a panic, patting around the bed looking for E until I explained that he was in his crib. These moments were somewhat funny until I started having the same dreams, waking up and thinking that I had lost E in the bed.
Anyway, the baby-in-the-bed dreams mostly went away when E started sleeping in his own room, and I hope that when E's sleep becomes a little more predictable and less fraught with tears, phantom baby cry will go away.
Please let it go away...
Phantom baby cry manifests itself in several ways. When you're sleeping and your baby starts and then stops crying, you continue to hear the crying in your head. Only when you look at the baby monitor and see that it is not lighting up like the Fourth of July do you realize that your baby has settled down and is no longer crying. Yet you continue to hear the crying in your head.
Phantom baby cry doesn't always begin with your own baby crying, though. Any sound that resembles your baby's cry, such as children playing outside, certain types of music, and even birds, can trigger it, and then you stare at the baby monitor, trying to figure out if your baby is in distress.
I first experienced phantom baby cry in the hospital after delivering E, and it interrupted my sleep then as much as it does now. I simply cannot return to sleep after experiencing phantom baby cry.
I am hopeful that phantom baby cry will fade, just as the baby-in-the-bed dreams have mostly gone away. In the early days, I woke several times per night to B patting, hugging, and jiggling a pillow, attempting to soothe it because he thought it was E. Other times, he'd wake in a panic, patting around the bed looking for E until I explained that he was in his crib. These moments were somewhat funny until I started having the same dreams, waking up and thinking that I had lost E in the bed.
Anyway, the baby-in-the-bed dreams mostly went away when E started sleeping in his own room, and I hope that when E's sleep becomes a little more predictable and less fraught with tears, phantom baby cry will go away.
Please let it go away...
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My latest obsessions
And now for some non-baby chatter.
My latest obsessions...
Pandora
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm rarely an early adopter of anything, so no surprise there. Pandora, if you are also late to the party, lets you create your own radio stations. You start with an artist, a song, or a genre, and by liking or disliking music, you can take your station in just about any direction. Or if you want a low-touch experience, you can skip the liking and disliking and listen to what they throw at you.
I have been going through phases. For a while, it was Time to Say Good-bye radio, and I walked around the house pretending to be an opera singer. (I suspect that B is glad that my Sarah Brightman phase has passed - for now.) Now I'm listening to Halleluja radio; I think I could listen to that song all day.
My Billy Joel station is also a fav.
Having a working cell phone
Perhaps "obsession" is too strong of a word. In fitting with my what-is-technology theme, I use a Blackberry that B bought before we were married. About a month ago, I learned that it was no longer receiving incoming calls. Shortly after, I found I could not send text messages.
Unfortunately, this situation is no longer tolerable. I need to be reachable, and I'd like to be able to send text messages. Maybe I'd even like to take a picture or two.
B and I decided that we'd buy new iPhones when the iPhone 5 came out, except...yeah, the iPhone 5 didn't come out. I decided I could live with the bargain-priced iPhone 4, and B ordered the 4S for himself, and our new phones should arrive in the next week or two.
I have mixed feelings about this purchase, considering my new phone is a year old, and do I really want to jump on the bandwagon before the rest of the world has had a chance to vet it, but I am taking a gamble on Apple. Apple, don't make me regret this decision.
My Kindle
I bought my Kindle over a year ago but didn't start appreciating it until E came along.
I went back to work after 6 weeks of leave (a story that I suppose I ought to share, perhaps sometime, if I'm feeling very brave), and B stayed home with the little man for a while. B watched him during the day, and I took over at 4 o'clock, after my workday ended. Part of the evening involved, obviously, putting E to sleep.
I wanted E to learn to fall asleep on his own, but this task is not an overnight process. I'd rock him, and then I'd put a drowsy-but-awake baby into his crib to see if he could fall asleep on his own. If he started to cry, I'd pick him up and start rocking, and try putting him down again in a few minutes.
Sometimes he'd fall asleep, only to wake up a few minutes later and need more rocking.
This process could easily take a half hour at night, sometimes more, in a darkened room. My Kindle and its booklight-equipped cover provided me with entertainment and an opportunity to do something that I enjoyed each day while teaching E a valuable skill.
The Fremont Jones books by Dianne Day will probably always remind me of that time period, as they were my main entertainment. I ran out of Fremont books and have since moved on to the Mary Russell books by Laurie King. Both books feature strong female protagonists who investigate crime. I would more strongly recommend the King books, particularly if you are a fan of Sherlock Holmes.
Buying a Kindle has transformed the way that I buy and think about books. Before, I carefully considered every book acquisition because I would need to find a place to store it, and our bookshelves are already full. Now that my books are digital, I can buy as many as I want and never have to worry about storage.
My book expenses have, needless to say, skyrocketed. On the other hand, since my clothing is frequently covered in drool, snot, and spitup, my clothing purchases have been radically reduced. Why buy nice stuff if it's only going to get baby-gooped?
I miss Anthropologie...
My latest obsessions...
Pandora
I'm late to the party on this one, but I'm rarely an early adopter of anything, so no surprise there. Pandora, if you are also late to the party, lets you create your own radio stations. You start with an artist, a song, or a genre, and by liking or disliking music, you can take your station in just about any direction. Or if you want a low-touch experience, you can skip the liking and disliking and listen to what they throw at you.
I have been going through phases. For a while, it was Time to Say Good-bye radio, and I walked around the house pretending to be an opera singer. (I suspect that B is glad that my Sarah Brightman phase has passed - for now.) Now I'm listening to Halleluja radio; I think I could listen to that song all day.
My Billy Joel station is also a fav.
Having a working cell phone
Perhaps "obsession" is too strong of a word. In fitting with my what-is-technology theme, I use a Blackberry that B bought before we were married. About a month ago, I learned that it was no longer receiving incoming calls. Shortly after, I found I could not send text messages.
Unfortunately, this situation is no longer tolerable. I need to be reachable, and I'd like to be able to send text messages. Maybe I'd even like to take a picture or two.
B and I decided that we'd buy new iPhones when the iPhone 5 came out, except...yeah, the iPhone 5 didn't come out. I decided I could live with the bargain-priced iPhone 4, and B ordered the 4S for himself, and our new phones should arrive in the next week or two.
I have mixed feelings about this purchase, considering my new phone is a year old, and do I really want to jump on the bandwagon before the rest of the world has had a chance to vet it, but I am taking a gamble on Apple. Apple, don't make me regret this decision.
My Kindle
I bought my Kindle over a year ago but didn't start appreciating it until E came along.
I went back to work after 6 weeks of leave (a story that I suppose I ought to share, perhaps sometime, if I'm feeling very brave), and B stayed home with the little man for a while. B watched him during the day, and I took over at 4 o'clock, after my workday ended. Part of the evening involved, obviously, putting E to sleep.
I wanted E to learn to fall asleep on his own, but this task is not an overnight process. I'd rock him, and then I'd put a drowsy-but-awake baby into his crib to see if he could fall asleep on his own. If he started to cry, I'd pick him up and start rocking, and try putting him down again in a few minutes.
Sometimes he'd fall asleep, only to wake up a few minutes later and need more rocking.
This process could easily take a half hour at night, sometimes more, in a darkened room. My Kindle and its booklight-equipped cover provided me with entertainment and an opportunity to do something that I enjoyed each day while teaching E a valuable skill.
The Fremont Jones books by Dianne Day will probably always remind me of that time period, as they were my main entertainment. I ran out of Fremont books and have since moved on to the Mary Russell books by Laurie King. Both books feature strong female protagonists who investigate crime. I would more strongly recommend the King books, particularly if you are a fan of Sherlock Holmes.
Buying a Kindle has transformed the way that I buy and think about books. Before, I carefully considered every book acquisition because I would need to find a place to store it, and our bookshelves are already full. Now that my books are digital, I can buy as many as I want and never have to worry about storage.
My book expenses have, needless to say, skyrocketed. On the other hand, since my clothing is frequently covered in drool, snot, and spitup, my clothing purchases have been radically reduced. Why buy nice stuff if it's only going to get baby-gooped?
I miss Anthropologie...
Friday, October 7, 2011
Baby as handbag and other misconceptions
We booked E into a daycare center before we told family and friends that I was pregnant. I had heard about lengthy waiting lists and didn't want to be stuck without daycare options for him.
At our orientation, we learned that they were open from 7 AM to 6 PM. These hours gave us pause.
In the olden days (pre-Rooster), we both left the house before 7, and B always got home around 6:30. Depending on traffic, I usually got home between 5 and 6, but epic traffic days could involve a 2-hour ride home and an unpredictable arrival time.
For pickups after 6 PM, the center charges $1 per minute. Timeliness is of the essence at the end of the day.
We realized we were going to have to make adjustments in our lives. At the time, I reasoned that B could take the later train, dropping E off at 7 AM on the dot, and I could pick E up, arriving by 6 each night. In my mind, I thought of E a bit like a handbag that one could drop off and pick up at will and who would happily adjust to whatever schedule we needed to keep for work.
Parents of babies, feel free to snicker at my naivete. I certainly do.
After E came along, reality set in, and I realized that a baby is not at all like a handbag and he does not happily adjust to anything unless it's something that he wants.
I now know that his being at daycare from 7 AM to 6 PM would be difficult, if not impossible, since he usually does not wake up until 6:45 or 7 AM and usually goes to bed for the night between 5 and 5:30.
Yes, he really goes to bed for the night at that time, and he sleeps the whole night through (in his crib!) without needing a feeding. We have a sleepy baby.
In other sleepy news, he needs 3 naps a day. Most but not all babies eliminate the third nap by 9 months. If I had to guess, I'd say that E is going to be one of those babies who still needs a third nap.
He can't be awake for more than 2 hours without needing another nap, and 2 hours is pushing it. Usually, he needs to sleep after being up for an hour and a half.
As a result, we are frequently housebound. Sure, we could take him out in the car, and he'd fall asleep, but he wouldn't have a good nap; he'd wake up frequently; and any sleep that he might have had in his crib would be lost. I feel guilty doing that to him.
So we stay home almost all the time. If we need to run an errand, one person goes, or my parents watch Eli while we leave together.
Did I expect to be housebound for the first year of E's life? No, certainly not. Again, I thought he'd be like a cute, smiling handbag that one could take about during one's day, and that he'd nap when it was convenient for me.
On the plus side, E is more charming than I anticipated, and he brings me more joy and happiness than I expected. Every night before bed, I peek into his room and see him curled up on his left side, sleeping away, and I smile and say thanks that he's in my life. When I go into his room in the morning after he's woken up and he smiles up at me and is genuinely happy to see me, I accept the tradeoff that I've made - freedom gone, but new joy discovered. The sacrifices are worth it.
And I am grateful that B and I had 6+ wonderful, travel-filled, and delightful years before we undertook this adventure.
At our orientation, we learned that they were open from 7 AM to 6 PM. These hours gave us pause.
In the olden days (pre-Rooster), we both left the house before 7, and B always got home around 6:30. Depending on traffic, I usually got home between 5 and 6, but epic traffic days could involve a 2-hour ride home and an unpredictable arrival time.
For pickups after 6 PM, the center charges $1 per minute. Timeliness is of the essence at the end of the day.
We realized we were going to have to make adjustments in our lives. At the time, I reasoned that B could take the later train, dropping E off at 7 AM on the dot, and I could pick E up, arriving by 6 each night. In my mind, I thought of E a bit like a handbag that one could drop off and pick up at will and who would happily adjust to whatever schedule we needed to keep for work.
Parents of babies, feel free to snicker at my naivete. I certainly do.
After E came along, reality set in, and I realized that a baby is not at all like a handbag and he does not happily adjust to anything unless it's something that he wants.
I now know that his being at daycare from 7 AM to 6 PM would be difficult, if not impossible, since he usually does not wake up until 6:45 or 7 AM and usually goes to bed for the night between 5 and 5:30.
Yes, he really goes to bed for the night at that time, and he sleeps the whole night through (in his crib!) without needing a feeding. We have a sleepy baby.
In other sleepy news, he needs 3 naps a day. Most but not all babies eliminate the third nap by 9 months. If I had to guess, I'd say that E is going to be one of those babies who still needs a third nap.
He can't be awake for more than 2 hours without needing another nap, and 2 hours is pushing it. Usually, he needs to sleep after being up for an hour and a half.
As a result, we are frequently housebound. Sure, we could take him out in the car, and he'd fall asleep, but he wouldn't have a good nap; he'd wake up frequently; and any sleep that he might have had in his crib would be lost. I feel guilty doing that to him.
So we stay home almost all the time. If we need to run an errand, one person goes, or my parents watch Eli while we leave together.
Did I expect to be housebound for the first year of E's life? No, certainly not. Again, I thought he'd be like a cute, smiling handbag that one could take about during one's day, and that he'd nap when it was convenient for me.
On the plus side, E is more charming than I anticipated, and he brings me more joy and happiness than I expected. Every night before bed, I peek into his room and see him curled up on his left side, sleeping away, and I smile and say thanks that he's in my life. When I go into his room in the morning after he's woken up and he smiles up at me and is genuinely happy to see me, I accept the tradeoff that I've made - freedom gone, but new joy discovered. The sacrifices are worth it.
And I am grateful that B and I had 6+ wonderful, travel-filled, and delightful years before we undertook this adventure.
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