Weight, weight...don't tell me

Today, I weigh more than I ever have in my life. This statement will continue to be true for the next few months. It makes me a little uncomfortable.

I've never had problems maintaining a steady weight, but I try not to be one of those women who gleefully declares that she can eat whatever she wants and not gain weight. That statement is partially true but only because what I want to eat is usually healthful food in reasonable portions, and when I do indulge in something that is not so great for me, I do so in moderation. Eating an entire box of Ring Dings makes me feel sick, so I much prefer smaller indulgences.

Self control is a big part of my being able to maintain a steady weight, though the more important part is having a neutral relationship with hunger. Hunger is neither friend nor foe: When I'm hungry, I'm not happy that I'm hungry, but I'm not upset about it, either. It's just the state that I will be in until I eat again, and I don't need to get out of that state immediately.

Pregnancy has required me to readjust me relationship with hunger and food, though. I'm supposed to eat 200-300 extra calories per day. Normally, when I overindulge by a few hundred extra calories, I cut back on what I eat for a day or two. Now, I can't cut back and still have to keep up the extra calories.

So when I find myself with a food craving--and I still haven't had any that are any different from my pre-pregnancy cravings--I usually give in. If I want a burger, we make burgers for dinner. If I want carrot cake, I buy a piece at the grocery store. If I want Ring Dings...well, no, I probably won't be buying a box of Ring Dings. My self control is stronger at the grocery store than at home, and that box would not be long for this world after it entered our home. My self control has its limits, and I've learned that I have to buy all junky food in single servings only.

The occasional single serving of junk food in combination with the other extra calories I've been eating have contributed to what I think is a substantial weight gain. I've gained 12 pounds since my doctor began weighing me in October, but I'm pretty sure I gained a few pounds before the monthly weigh-ins began, so I would estimate that I have gained at least half of the 30 pounds that my doctor told me I should aim to gain. I now top the scales at (gulp) 162 pounds, a number I never thought I would see.

Yes, I weigh 162 pounds, and I wore a size-12 wedding gown. I'm not as skinny as I look!

So what's my strategy going forward? I will continue to eat when I'm hungry, sooner than I used to. I will continue eating bigger portions and snacking more frequently.

And I bought a scale. As soon as the Rooster greets the world and my doctor gives me the ok, I'm figuring out a plan that will get me back to the person that I used to be, and I can't wait.