Sad but true: There is no nursery theme

Last weekend, B and I traveled the state in search of home decor items.

First, we purchased some steer horns and a coordinating skull, cast in resin but remarkably lifelike. This item is not for Rooster's nursery. It joins the vejigante (mask) from Puerto Rico and the eyeless Venetian mask in our Items That Will Likely Terrify a Child collection. We're hoping that Rooster will be a brave little boy who is able to handle our decorating choices.

Next, we purchased curtains for the nursery. Before this weekend, I thought of buying curtains as a straightforward task. I now know that nothing is straightforward at Pottery Barn Kids.

Because of their high prices, PB is not my go-to store for items, but I knew we needed blackout curtains for Rooster's room, and PBK has a lot of them. The prices at PBK are more reasonable than at PB, so I chose a set I liked and decided to try to buy them in a store to skip the shipping charges.

The store we visited was not big but was divided into lots of little rooms, so I felt like I was hitting a dead end every time I turned a corner. We eventually found the curtains area but couldn't find the curtains I wanted, so we had to get in line and ask for help.

I had been going back and forth between green and white curtains, and I decided that white might be best for versatility. Unfortunately, the woman who helped us told me that they didn't carry the white curtains in their store, either for display or sale. Bummer. She said she could order them for me, but it would be the same as if I ordered them myself (that is, I'd have to pay for shipping).

I asked if she could show me a similar curtain to the kind I picked out, and she did. I wasn't crazy about the look or feel of the fabric, but I reasoned that I could always exchange them. I decided to buy the curtain rings that we needed at the store and to buy the curtains from their website.

Curtain rings were not on the floor, so she disappeared into the back storage office to get them. While she was gone, we started looking at other curtains and I started warming up to the idea of green curtains once again.

She returned empty handed and explained that they didn't have the silver-colored curtain rings and I'd have to buy them online. I said ok and said we had reconsidered our curtain color, and would she mind showing us the options that they had in green. She said sure but first wanted to know the decor of the nursery.

You might need to look at the PBK website to understand her question. They sell bedding, wall decor, curtains, floor rugs, and probably many other items in coordinating themes, such as sports or elephants. All the colors match perfectly, and the end result is a bit of a Stepford nursery. It's a fine look but it's not what we're going for.

I told her that we have an animal theme. It's true, sort of. We have four framed prints from the ABC Canadian Rockies children's book we picked up in Banff, and a Noah's Ark-themed tapestry from Peru with (obviously) pairs of three-dimensional fabric animals. We've also picked out some sheets that feature animals, and we're going to get some animal wall decals for the wall that will feature pictures of family and friends. However, our goal is not to design a color-coordinated room, and how do you explain that to someone who believes that a nursery should be color coordinated?

My animal-theme answer was not good enough, so she wanted to know the color of the floor. I explained that it's pink wall-to-wall carpeting. She seemed to disapprove of this choice for a baby boy and tried to direct us to the rack containing their rugs. I pooh-poohed this suggestion; why invest in a rug that will only be destroyed in a baby's room?

She reluctantly returned to the curtain racks with us, probably wondering how on earth we passed up the Dr. Suess-themed room, and she pointed out a few options in green. We chose a set with white polka dots and built-in blackout panels. But of course these curtains were not available on the floor, so she had to return to the back room to find them.

By some small miracle, they had them in stock. After she returned, I remembered that I wanted to buy sheer curtains to go behind them. Sheer curtains provide privacy while allowing light to filter in. But, you guessed it: these curtains were not available on the floor, either. It was another five-minute disappearance.

Eventually, she returned and rang up our purchase, and we were able to return to the safety of the mall. B declared that he hated the store and all the people in it and never wanted to return. Even I, a lover of shopping, felt that my patience had been tried by the experience.

Our curtain hardware just arrived in the mail yesterday, so we haven't hung the curtains yet to see how they look. If the green polkas are too much for a room that already has some attention-grabbing decor, we'll buy the white ones online and return the green ones to the store. I am ok with B waiting outside the store for that adventure. He has already paid his PBK dues.