Hungry

I am 42.9 percent of the way toward completing my 6-month pumping goal. Precise, yes, because I run this calculation nearly every day. One does what one must to keep going.

B is fond of presenting to me hypothetical situations that require a choice, and I am generally unable to choose. However, I presented such a situation to myself the other day and found that the choice was surprisingly easy.

Would I rather pump for 6 months or go through labor again?

I choose labor. If labor could somehow produce 6 months' worth of the best nutrition for little E, I'd take it in a heartbeat over pumping. (Assuming, of course, that I could get an epidural.)

But I don't really have that choice, so I continue to pump and to deal with the inconvenience, physical discomfort, and the feeling that my body is not really my own.

And I have to deal with the hunger. I thought that I was extra hungry during pregnancy, when you're supposed to eat 200-300 extra calories per day. Having to consume an extra 600 calories per day is unexpectedly difficult.

I'm hungry all the time. Only on several occasions in the last 11 weeks have I felt really, truly full. (Side note: Both times occurred after large meals of hot salted meat.) I have to eat several breakfasts and lunches each day, and I consume ice cream at night by the gallons. (Ok, usually by the pints--I am an ice cream snob.)

I eat as much as B does, sometimes more. He hasn't been able to finish one of my meals in ages. Sad for him, perhaps, though I think he doesn't mind the nightly ice cream.

My body's increased calorie burning did mean that I lost my 30 pounds of pregnancy weight very quickly. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, though not my pre-pregnancy size. My waist and hips are both 2 inches bigger than they used to be. I suspect that this change is permanent. My pants still fit, thank goodness (you have no idea how difficult it is for me to find pants), but I have had to say good-bye to most of my fitted dresses.

As for my feet, I'm not sure if they've changed. I haven't got around to trying on all my shoes yet, but the shoes I wear all the time still fit. I bought my first pair of post-pregnancy shoes recently and had to go a size up (11 now--gah), but they run small, so it's tough to say whether my feet have really grown.

I had sort of been hoping that my feet would get bigger so I'd have an excuse to throw out all the uncomfortable shoes I have and start over. Perhaps the hidden animosity I have toward them is reason enough to get rid of them and start anew.