More like a spending chill, really

The spending freeze is melting quickly as the days grow warmer.

I haven't succumbed to any other splurge purchases since the dishes (which arrived, at least part of the order, this week--and they are marvelous), but I've been eyeing another "necessary" acquisition--luggage.

I have an enormous suitcase (affectionately known as "Big Suitcase") that suited me well when (a) I relocated to another country or state for months at a time, and (b) airline restrictions on luggage were more loosey goosey. But times have changed.

I no longer go away for 10 months at a time, and airlines allow bags to be only 40-50 pounds before they exact an overweight charge on your luggage. I think it's rude, as does Big Suitcase, who prefers to be described as "rubenesque." But offense aside, I've come very close the past 2 airline trips to having to pay an overweight fee because Big Suitcase is just too big and holds more than I am actually allowed to take (and frantic clothing rearrangement between bags in the airport is not as much fun as it might seem). We need a new game plan for France.

Coincidentally (or is Big Brother reading my mind? I suspect we'll never know), I received an email from Amazon informing me that as an avid traveler (they are all too familiar with my guidebook habit), I ought to check out their travel store, which conveniently sells luggage with Amazon's swell super saving shipping. I had thought about hitting up Marshall's for new bags, but I think Amazon's prices are better, and you can get whole luggage sets for a very good price.

I haven't bought yet but plan to do further research this weekend. The goal is to buy a non-black set (because everyone has black luggage and it's hard to spot your particular black bag when it rolls by you) that isn't too girly so B will be able to use it during his travels. Lavender isn't that girly, is it?

Dog trials

This weekend, B and I are going to be in charge of a living thing for the first time.

Well, technically, this isn't the first time as we have both been in charge of plants for a while now, but considering we've killed all but the most indestructible plants, we're going to ignore the track record and focus on the positive.

Back to this weekend. We're watching B's sister's dog. He is a toy poodle, and I haven't had the honor of meeting him yet, but B says he is a great, well-behaved little guy. I suspect B has an ulterior motive in this venture, though.

He has been pushing to get a dog ever since he got the condo. I have never owned a dog and would be perfectly happy to keep it that way for the rest of my life. However, B would love to get a bulldog, so in the spirit of compromise, I have settled on a few cat-like breeds that might be acceptable should we decide to go down the dog avenue. All of the breeds I have identified are small and would fit in a handbag (a shopping buddy!) or could be brought on a plane in a carry-on bag. The breed I keep coming back to is the chihuahua because they are just so darned cute (and small--smaller than most cats, even). There are lots of chi mixes, like chi-weenies (chis plus the hot dog dogs), chi-poos (chis and toy poodles), and others. So many options.

We don't plan to get a dog any time soon--B would have to be home more often than he is now because I don't see myself waking up early in the middle of February to take Bowser for a walk--but at least we will have a small idea of what it will be like after this weekend.

Preparing for culture shock

My recent evenings (when not spent at work) have been spent in the company of Rick Steves (who materializes in the form of a guidebook), as I research and prepare for our trip.

B and I tend to be active (dare I say it--over- ?) researchers when it comes to...well, everything. We called the town clerk to find out if a WalMart was coming to town before buying the condo (it's not--and it seemed highly unlikely that it will happen in the foreseeable future). We've been researching cars for months in preparation for selling B's delightful-yet-as-unreliable-as-they-come Saab. And now I am researching France, and more specifically, French customs.

The length of our trip makes the research especially important. We'll be away for 2 weeks--neither of us has taken such a long vacation--and it can be challenging to be away from home and comfort and everything and everyone you know for an extended period of time. Knowing what to expect, and what not to do to stand out as an obvious tourist, is critical.

The first surprising tidbit I picked up was related to cheese. We will do our best to increase the per capita cheese consumption while we're there, but I didn't expect that there were rules governing how to eat it. To avoid offending, you have to keep the shape of the cheese when you cut it, which means no cutting off the tip of the brie wedge, no matter how tempting it may be. We had a brie/cracker/cured meat dinner a few weeks ago so we could practice cutting the brie in an unoffensive manner, and I think we've got it down.

Shopping is another area with rules. Greeting employees upon entering a store is de rigeur. Perhaps I should start practicing in French here in the States. And another rule--we're not allowed to touch anything, except in large department stores. We have to ask for assistance. And if you're shopping at a farmer's market, you should never choose the food you want--you should let the proprietor choose for you (the idea is that they know their produce best and will choose what is best for you).

The general rule is that when you are in doubt as to what to do, look for a French person, and follow their lead. The easiest way to find French people is to eliminate those wearing sneakers, sweatshirts, and Red Sox hats.

The spending freeze, or, How I learned to stop worrying and love my debit card

Today I broke the spending freeze that B and I agreed to. Fear not, he won't find out about the breach by reading this blog; I asked him for his opinion before I even added the dishes to my online shopping cart.

The spending freeze was my idea. It's a way to minimize non-essential expenditures before the wedding, and so far, B and I have been stuck to it. One tactic is to plan our expenses for ATW (after the wedding), including new everyday dishes. Our dishes are mismatched and they stack badly in the cabinet, and they just don't match the style of our living/dining room, so we thought buying new ones together would be a fun activity--in a few months.

But then trouble started after I received an email at work about a spring-cleaning drive. We can bring in household wares (apparently "ware" is a real word), including dishes, sheets, and towels, to donate to a homeless shelter. I immediately thought to myself, "I have some dishes I could donate, but I can't donate them unless I have others to replace them..." A frenzied text messaging session ensued between B and me. I expected B to be the voice of reason and to say that we ought to observe the spending freeze and wait. Luckily for all of us, my persuasive sales technique prevailed, and I purchased the (deeply discounted, of course) dishes.

I think the issue stems from one's (and certainly my) tendency to live within one's means. In college, I got by on a smaller income, and I dealt with it--you learn which ATM dispenses $10 bills, and you figure out how to make 3 batches of hamburger helper last for lunch and dinner for 3 weeks. (Yes, I accomplished both, but the latter feat of wizardry is never to be repeated again because the overexposure left me unable to even smell the stuff without wanting to make a run for the nearest farmer's market.)

After your income surpasses the poverty line, you find you have a few more options, and it's hard to "deprive" yourself (whether actual deprivation would take place is questionable) of stuff you want when you know you could figure out a way to make it work. I just have to take a step backwards and realize that every expense now might mean one fewer fun item on our honeymoon.

I'm hoping that attitude will prevent me from upgrading all of our silverware and glassware (both of which are also being collected for the drive).

Tentative honeymoon itinerary

Today I bought our Eurail passes (France only, any 4 days in 30 days, SaverPasses so we have to travel together--that ought to be easy enough), and I have a tentative honeymoon itinerary (obviously subject to change, but here's what I'm thinking so far).

Day 0: Take red eye to Paris.
Day 1: Arrive in Paris in early afternoon. Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel Tower.
Day 2: Notre Dame Cathedral, Sainte-Chapelle Cathedral, Ile de le Cite and Ile St. Louis, and dinner cruise on the Seine.
Day 3: Musee d'Orsay, Sacre Coeur and Montmartre, Centre Pompidou.
Day 4: Train to Nice. Promenade des Anglais and Vieux Nice.
Day 5: Cours Saleya Flower Market, Matisse Museum, Nice Archaeology Museum and Roman ruins, and Rue de France Pedestrian Zone.
Day 6: Day trip to Cannes.
Day 7: Scenic train to Digne, Theatre de la Photographie et de l'Image, Russian cathedral.
Day 8: Day trip to Monaco.
Day 9: Train to Paris. Louvre museum.
Day 10: Day trip to Champagne.
Day 11: Versailles and Champs-Elysee (and other area shopping).
Day 12: Day trip to Loire Valley.
Day 13: Disneyland Paris ('course I gotta squeeze it in if I can!) or free day in Paris.
Day 14: Fly home. :(

I'm thinking of moving either Champagne or the Loire to the front of the trip, but that would require moving our dinner cruise to another night (because it goes until late and we'll have to get up early for the day trip), so I'm undecided. Luckily we can't make train reservations for a little while, so there is no pressure to decide. There are a few other Paris attractions we'd like to see, but I haven't figured out where they'll fit in.

This itinerary actually looks quite tame. Any normal person (i.e. a non-overplanner) who saw the "real" itinerary (with timetables for everything, including all meals) would probably be scared. That's why we post only the normal stuff on the blog. :)

The joint checking account

Last night, B and I decided to figure out one topic we haven't yet fully addressed--the joint checking account.

Both of us are like-minded in that we believe we ought to have 3 checking accounts--one for him, one for me, and one for both of us. The joint checking account will obviously be used for purchases for both of us, and the purpose of the personal accounts is to allow ourselves the freedom to purchase items that we might otherwise feel guilty about if we purchased the items with funds from the joint account.

Originally, when we decided upon this plan, it seemed like it would be easy to determine what was a joint purchase and what wasn't, but it wasn't as clear as we thought it might be.

Obviously, all household bills, including food expenses, will be paid for with the joint checking account. And we decided that any activities that we're both involved in, such as dinner out for both of us, would come out of the joint account.

But then there are a lot of expenses that fall into a gray area, such as B's dry cleaning, golf, and lunches and M's haircuts, shopping, and girls' nights out. We didn't want to have a long list of Dos and Do Nots for the joint account and decided we needed an easy-to-remember rule for when an expense should come out of personal accounts.

We decided that anything that could reasonably fall into the "maintenance" category, including haircuts and dry cleaning, should come out of the joint account. Anything that falls into the "fun" category, including going out with friends solo or golfing solo, would use our personal accounts. Lunch out was a gray area, but we decided that since we always have adequate food for lunch at home, lunch was a non-maintenance item and therefore needed to come out of the fun fund.

Now that I'm writing this, I'm realizing that some of these rules are kind of silly, but when two people have spent close to 30 years managing their own finances, you can't expect that a financial merger (not that marriage is a financial merger, but that is certainly one of the outcomes) will go smoothly without a little bit of planning.

Going it alone?

Recently I was reading the blog of another engaged woman, and I was a bit taken aback by one of her complaints. Let it first be known that I've never met this woman, and yes, I think it's a little weird that I was reading the blog of a stranger. It's like watching reality television but there are fewer train wrecks.

Anyway, the post that surprised me most was a light rant in which she noted that she was planning her entire wedding by herself because her maid of honor lived in another town and her bridesmaids were totally uninterested and her mother was three states away. Interestingly, many women responded to the post and said they were all in the same boat and they sympathized with her greatly.

Interestingly, very few women mentioned their husbands to be in their rants.

At first, I didn't understand what the big deal was--I know that a lot of people complain about wedding plans and how difficult weddings are and how much time it takes to plan a wedding, but that just has not been the case for us. The major details of our wedding were planned within a month of our engagement (and not because I had everything planned in my head beforehand--not that there's anything wrong with that--but I didn't).

I realized that the critical factor in our quick planning was B's active involvement. All of the advice he received was in the vein of, "You can have an opinion, but you're not allowed to voice it, and you should stay out of everything entirely." I definitely have my control-freak moments, but the thought of planning our wedding without B's active assistance never crossed my mind. And I, unlike some of the other girls, have also had the active assitance of my mother, which has been so nice.

My conclusion is that girls who feel like they're alone in their wedding planning need to recruit the assistance of the most obvious person--the other person who will be getting married that day.