"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done..."

I'm not sure that my encounter with a guillotine can be described in such noble terms, though I did survive with all limbs and digits intact, and that is something to be proud of.

My guillotine adventure was entirely voluntary and motivated by a desire to save some bling on wedding invitations. We decided to print, cut, and assemble them ourselves, and while I don't regret that decision, I don't think I was aware of how difficult it would actually be. B and I encountered many challenges, including:

• Printers don't always print straight pages. A slight crookedness is not an issue when you're reading, but when a page holds four Save the Date cards, and you're trying to get straight edges for all four sides of each card, it's a challenge.
• Even when the pages print straight, guillotines are not easy to use! You'd think lining up a piece of paper along the top and then cutting would be simple--but it's not! When you have to make 12 cuts per page, and you have 35 pages to cut, you sometimes get a little careless. Or I did, anyway.

Difficulties aside, we got it done, though the whole process took nearly an entire day. The assembling/addressing process took the entire length of the Office Space movie and then some, but it was really satisfying to have a pile of envelopes to mail. Unfortunately, we're not entirely finished because we don't have all of our names and addresses yet, but we're hoping to finish by this weekend.

Unfortunately, we've only just begun the process because the invitation envelopes will include invitations, hotel information, directions, and response cards (and response envelopes, but those won't require much in the way of assembly.)

Perhaps we ought to get started on the remaining paper assembly tasks now...

Peek-a....

Last night while trolling the internet and looking for do-it-yourself wedding albums, I came across www.picaboo.com, which provides downloadable software for creating and customizing photo books for any occasion. I was hooked immediately! They offer tons of different page layouts and backgrounds, and you can even look at albums that other people have designed. My only complaint is that you can't create custom page layouts (or at least I haven't figure out how to do that), but their layout options are extensive and should suit us nicely.

I immediately started copying backgrounds and designing an album for our engagement photos, which seemed like excellent guinea pigs for the do-it-yourself album experiment. My progress was somewhat impeded by the fact that I don't actually have our engagement photo files yet. And if you want to get down to nitty-gritty details, I don't actually know what the photos will look like--I mean, I was at the photo session, but I wasn't on the critical side of the camera for figuring this information out. A temporary speedbump! Our photographer said that she'd probably need about a week to do color correction on the files, and then she'd mail us a CD with the files, so I can expect to receive them some time next week.

It's taking every ounce of willpower I have to not email her daily to ask how the photos turned out and when she will send them.

Zombie squad

When I told my coworkers that I got engaged, one of them asked if that meant I was joining the zombie squad. He elaborated and explained about a Dilbert cartoon in which a newly engaged woman was demoted to the "zombie squad" along with new parents, newly expecting soon-to-be parents, the newly engaged, and miscellaneous other people who had so much going on in their personal lives that they couldn't possibly focus all of their attention on their work.

Some days I feel like a true member of the zombie squad.

It's not as hectic as it was in the beginning when I was trying to arrange appointments with venues, photographers, justices of the peace, bakers, and myriad other vendors. Now I've moved on to daydreaming about Paris, Nice, the French countryside, chocolate croissants, hot chocolate, pastries, French cooking, sightseeing, train schedules, Eurail passes, berets, striped shirts, dinner cruises on the Seine, and Disneyland Paris. I'm trying to recall as much French as I can from the one year I studied in high school. Yes, that was 11--11!--years ago. I'm astonished I remember anything at all...

I added a France travel documentary to the Netflix queue--ooh la la! I am trying to wait patiently for the LP France guidebook I ordered, but I might have to make a special trip to the local B&N so I can get a sneak preview.

"He went to Paris, lookin' for answers..."

The honeymoon is on--and it will be on in France!

We booked the plane tickets yesterday after talking about it and thinking about it for weeks. Paris was actually the dark horse in the honeymoon campaign. I had been pushing for Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island, but my mind kept coming back to Paris. We had mostly decided upon Canada when we decided to list the pros and cons for each place.

It turned out that we preferred Canada because it was the low stress, easier option--it had fewer cons, but it turned out to have fewer pros, also. France (as with any international travel destination) had the potential to be much more chaotic and stressful, but the payout (in new experiences and an overall more memorable and exciting trip) was far greater.

What really turned the tide was remembering that B's weekly travel was finally going to pay off--and in a major way. The Euro/Dollar exchange rate is currently disastrous for Americans, but B has enough Starwood points to get us free or very discounted hotel rates for nearly our entire trip. Granted, we have to stay at Starwood hotels, and they aren't the top-rated hotels on tripadvisor, but they are free hotels in Paris and Nice with guaranteed hot water and hair dryers and good locations. And by the time we leave, it's likely that B will have platinum status with Starwood, which means an automatic upgrade to the best room in the hotel. Hello, suite living!

So excited--have to start planning the itin soon. I ordered the Lonely Planet France guidebook from Amazon today and am considering the Rick Steve guidebook (but he tends to make me feel guilty if I don't rent a car, so I might stick with LP).

The guarantee of the hidden fee

A few aspects to Major Life Changes are guaranteed. Of course, there will be drama and excitement and nervousness and all of that, but another guarantee is a bit more subtle--the guarantee of the hidden fee. And a wedding, the king of all Major Life Changes (MLCs), is replete with hidden fees and charges.

The latest one I'm grappling with is perhaps the worst of all because it's not a charge that's being imposed upon me. We're having our engagement photo session this weekend, and naturally, I have nothing to wear! Well, nothing I want to wear, and this state of clothing depletion is going to necessitate a shopping trip. And during said shopping trip, do I really want to buy a cheap, synthetic, itchy top? What does a synthetic top say about one's commitment to one's engagement, anyway? I better get cashmere--what would look better than cashmere? And what would look better with a cashmere sweater than a fun pair of Vineyard Vines flip flops?

Unfortunately, the fees don't end with clothing. I was not born with the hair styling gene that other women have. My forays into hair products result in helmet-like bouffants. I will be hiring someone to do my hair for the wedding to ameliorate this situation, but is it acceptable to do the same for the engagement photo? Just for a shampoo and blow-dry...

The question of the day is: If I did (hypothetically, of course) purchase a cashmere sweater and VV flippies and have my hair done, would I have to include these expenses in the wedding budget? They would have a not-inconsiderable effect on the bottom line. And technically, they're not necessary wedding expenses. More like optional life expenses that receive an override through the current spending freeze due to extenuating circumstances. Perhaps we ought to keep these hidden fees truly hidden...

First a bedroom set, now china...

Another sign of adulthood--B and I have chosen a china pattern. We went to Bloomingdale's because I am still boycotting Macy's due to their unacceptable behavior regarding an order I made there several years ago. Bloomies did not impress me with their service skills--we spent a lot of time waiting for someone to help us--but I guess that's why you're supposed to make an appointment. We spent about an hour deciding on our pattern, putting dishes on placemats and mixing and matching to see what would look good. I absolutely love the pattern.

The product scanning process is really easy--each store gives you a gun that you use to scan items. B drove with the gun and did a great job--no mistakes. The scanner at Linens 'n Things had limited functionality, but the one at Williams Sonoma was as top-of-the-line as the rest of their merchandise.

Painted sticks in vases

Last weekend, B and I caused quite the stir in the neighborhood. Well, technically, there was no evidence to support my "stir" statement, but I sensed the neighbors' curiosity. After all, why would two grown adults spend hours plucking stick-like plants from the ground, gathering them together in a garbage can, and bring the sticks inside the house?

The reason, dear readers, as some of you have probably already figured out, is centerpieces. I suspect that centerpieces have driven many an engaged couple to engage in activities that they might not do ordinarily. For example, when we were at Michael's yesterday buying glass vases at 50% off (bargain hunters extraordinaire!) and the young hooligans behind us were noting with no small amount of frustration that they had chosen the wrong line, I wanted to interrupt their Cap'n-Morgan-and-Coke reveries and tell them that while 17 glass vases might seem like a useless purchase--unless they were to be used as drinking receptacles--the hooligans would understand when they got engaged. But I digress. Back to the sticks.

During our visit-ten-wedding-venues-in-one-weekend tour, we visited a ballroom that was already set up for a wedding, and they used very creative centerpieces--tall sticks, painted and glittered, in tall glass vases filled with colored glass beads. We decided against the venue but in favor of copying the centerpieces. During a later recon mission at Michael's to investigate centerpiece options, we found bunches of sticks that we could buy and then paint ourselves, but common sense (and frugality) posed the question, Why buy sticks when you can cut them yourself for free? Naturally, we had to give the embrace-nature-and-steal-her-sticks approach a try, and it turned out that thanks to years of a live-and-let-live landscaping philosophy, my parents' yard was the ideal location for picking tall, straight sticks.

To sum up, we've made good progess:

• A garbage can o' sticks is living in my parents' basement in preparation for the painting and glittering process.
• Two boxes of vases are sitting in the guest bedroom, waiting patiently for their sticks to come home.
• Several beaches on Cape Cod are producing sand grains at a rapid rate in preparation for sand pilfering by the light of the moon.

Fear not--if the painted sticks in vases approach fails, we have a backup plan involving jelly beans, sea shells, and cotton candy (just kidding).

Making my fortune through wedding photography

Should I ever decide that technical writing is not the field for me, I know where I will turn--wedding photography.

B and I have trolled through so many wedding photographer web pages, and most of the minimum--minimum!--packages start at a ridiculously high amount. The ironic twist is that the fee pays for a single photographer simply to show up and take pictures for a few hours. If you actually want copies of the pictures--well, that is extra. You want a wedding album to show to friends and families? Extra! You want digital files so you can print all the copies you want? Be prepared to hand over your firstborn child! And if you want something other than their canned packages--better look elsewhere.

There are some reasonably priced photographers, but their downfall is usually their complete lack of common sense and sales technique. They expect you to travel to their studios because "how else could you discover the essence of their photography." One photographer told me that it would take me no more than 30 minutes to travel to his NH studio from where I work. I understand it's not rational to be personally offended by such false information, but I couldn't help it. I cancelled that appointment yesterday after wondering for days why I even agreed to it in the first place.

Luckily, we have found several photographers who seem more grounded. We met one we liked a lot this week, and we're meeting another tonight. I liked her a lot on the phone--she offered her packages but said they are customizable depending on budget and what we need--yay! Having two very talented and flexible photogs to choose from is a good position to be in.

Now we need to start the search for a professional photo studio that can print the digital files we plan to purchase from the photog. You can't cut corners everywhere. :)

Better late than never

Three and a half weeks since B proposed, but better later than never! At first, I thought a wedding blog was a silly idea--after all, who would want to read in excruciating detail about our wedding plans. Then I realized that even if our only audience was ourselves, at least we would have a written (ok, typed) record of what we decided upon. And if we forgot to tell anyone any critical information, they could always catch up online. So here goes!

We've accomplished the following:

• Date and a venue.
• Menu--Sort of. We'll be doing brunch but haven't figured out all of the other details like appetizers.
• DJ--The key to the party!
• Dress--Mine is on order! Let's hope it arrives in time...

You might be thinking, "It's been over 3 weeks--that's all they've done?" We've met with lots of other vendors, too, and plan to make decisions in the next week or so about:

• Florist--I've chosen a local place and want to bring by a picture of a potential bouquet to get a quote.
• Cake--We met with a great baker last weekend and are going to meet with 1-2 more this weekend.
• JP--We've met 2 and plan to meet 1 more this weekend.
• Photographer--We've met 1 and plan to meet with 3-4 more this week and weekend.

If this hasn't satisfied your curiosity for all things wedding-related, stay tuned--more to come. :)